Page 63 of Solitude

I lift a brow. “Future reference? I thought we were only having sex with each other from now on.”

“From now on sounds a lot like forever to me.” Beck squeezes my hands. “You proposing to me, baby?”

“Maybe,” I say seriously.

“What? Are you… Are you being for real?”

“We keep throwing around words like ‘forever’ and ‘mine’ so casually. You said it yourself.” I blink at him the maneuver onto my knees and stare up at him. “When you know, you know, right?”

Beck’s voice sounds rough and hoarse when he speaks. “What are you saying, Winnie? I want you to be very clear.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Let’s do it. Forever, I mean. Be mine.”

“Ask the question, Winnie.”

With a huff, I ignore him. I won’t ask. “Marry me, Beck. I know we’re young, and everyone is going to tell us what a horrible idea this is, but… Let’s do it. Today, tomorrow, five years from now. I don’t care. Just marry me. Let’s make the most out of forever.”

Beck’s eyes roam my face, and I realize I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him look so serious and focused. He’s looking at me like he’s waiting for me to tell him it’s all a joke, but it’s not. I meant every word. I’ll mean every word until I take my last breath.

That’s how sure I am.

But as the silence drags on, my heart begins to race in my chest, and the panic builds. I squeeze his hand again desperately. “I know what you mean now. At first, I didn’t understand what you meant by knowing you found the right person, but I feel you in my soul, Beck. You’re solid and sturdy. You don’t waver. Unbreakable and impenetrable. The most sure love I’ve ever felt.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize just how much I truly believe them. In all ways, the people in my life who were meant to love me unconditionally just simply have not. They’ve disappointed me in every way imaginable. I’ve never know a love that I didn’t have to doubt in some capacity.

Except for Beckett Hale.

“Love?”

I frown, uncertain. “You think I’d ask you to marry me if I didn’t love you? I think I’ve loved you in some form or fashion for years, Beck. It’s just morphed into something different now. Something real.”

“Years… Are you being serious right now? Because if you’re not?—”

“I knew your favorite was color was green because you would color your hockey tape whenever your dad wasn’t around. You’d wear green socks every game day, too. I know you had your first kiss in your pool to Holly Franklin at fifteen, and I was so jealous I threw a rock at you guys.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah, well, I never claimed to be athletic. I missed by a mile, Beck.” A dry laugh escapes me, and I stare at Beck, vulnerable and scared. “I know you used to hit your little pucks at the fence between out houses to annoy my parents. I would watch you laugh when my mom would notice the way the fence was falling apart or stranded pucks on our side.”

Beck laughs. “Lorelai Carmichael… She’s a mean woman. I don’t know how you do it.”

I inhale sharply and watch Beck’s face twist in confusion.

“What? What’s that look for?” He asks, tucking a finger underneath my chin and pulling my face toward his. I blink. “Did something happen?”

“I guess,” I start, swallowing. “They kicked me out. I haven’t heard from either of them in a couple weeks.”

Beck’s brow furrows. He looks angry, and I rub my thumb over the back of his hand comfortingly. “This happened a couple weeks ago?”

“Three. Three weeks ago.”

His face contorts strangely, incredulous and shocked. “Three weeks? Where have you been staying, Winnie?”

“Cole and Beth have been letting me stay in one of the guest houses on the ranch.” I shrug. “It hasn’t been too bad actually.”

“Have you still been walking to Sugar everyday?”

I nod, cheeks heating.

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