Page 41 of Solitude

He inhales, the sound harsher than I believed he meant it through the speaker. “Right?—”

A shout rips through the speaker in the background, laughter flooding the speaker as Beck groans and scolds the group. A door slams shut, and I chew on my thumbnail as I stay silent through it all.

My mind whirls, and my stomach turns uncomfortably.

This summer has fooled me into thinking Beck and Icould’ve beensomethingafter these past couple of months. Friends? Sure. More than that? I don’t know, but I was stupidly hopeful.

In all this time that I’ve mastered avoidance, I’ve been avoiding what was right in front of me.

Summer ends.

Beck leaves Magnolia Hollow.

But I stay here, propped against this sticky counter, wishing summer could last forever.

3

CHRISTMAS ‘23

Winnie

Christmas has always beenmy favorite time of year specifically the Holly Jolly Festival the town hosts annually.

There’s something so profound and beautiful to me about all of our community coming together and choosing to celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in the heart of Magnolia Hollow. We don’t exchange gifts or make a big show of giving the kids toys. The festival is genuinely about spending time together.

Being a community.

That’s life in a small town, I suppose.

Gwen always leaves the doors to Sugar propped open and serves free hot chocolate both days. She even sets up a toppings bar to add marshmallow fluff, sprinkles, or whipped cream. This year Gwen and I laid out craftsupplies on all the tables, so people could come in and sip their hot drink while making an ornament as a keepsake.

Edith hosts a holiday themed story time, so parents can wander around her bookstore and peruse the shelves while Edith animatedly reads their children a Christmas tale. Occasionally, someone else from the community takes over for Edith to give her a break. Our Mayor, Christian Taylor, always reads in reindeer antlers and a silly sweater. This year, he’s even added clogs that jingle when he walks.

Tootsie’s longtime boyfriend, Jon, always plays Santa Claus at the village we build in the public parking area to imitate Santa’s workshop. Jon is a hotshot lawyer. People come from miles and miles away to his little office here in Magnolia Hollow, so it is heartwarming to see him take his role as Santa so seriously.

It’s also confusing in a lot of ways. To see Jon Hamilton go from angry eyebrows in a nice pressed suit to jovial in a clunky, stained, red suit. To see him yell at another lawyer or clients who get upset with him to doting on Tootsie and bringing her a bouquet from Bluebird or Mitzy’s is weird.

He’s a mix of several different personalities, all rolled into one.

Speaking of Tootsie, she’s in a booth with Mrs. Betty near a few other craft booths set up helping Isabel serve homemade lemonades. Her bleach blonde hair is big and bouncy as she flounces around the enclosed tent with a wide smile and horns. (If you ask her why she’s wearinghorns instead of antlers, she grins salaciously and talks about what a naughty girl she’s been.) I’m not sure how much work they’re doing, but Isabel is laughing, floating around with ease. All the evidence necessary to determine she’s having the time of her life.

For the past two years, I’ve joined in on the fun.

That’s right. You’re looking at one of Santa’s most helpful elves. I even made my costume this year. It took a couple of weeks, but I have to say I’m the best looking elf here.

My hat fits perfectly over my blonde, french braids that hang down my back. I applied heavy pink blush and faux freckles to my cheeks and nose and red lipstick that I felt self-conscious about momentarily, but then Gwen took one look at me and declared I was the hottest elf she’d ever seen.

So I don’t feel so uneasy anymore.

My eyes scan the crowd as a three-year-old clings to Jon—Santa,sorry—as he tells him a laundry list of things he wants to find under his tree, and when his mom grows increasingly concerned, I shoot her a placating grin.

I’m happy. I am, really. Life might not be going the way I thought it would, but I’m happy.

There’s only one thing that would make the holiday better, though, but he’s over a thousand miles away taking a well-deserved rest after dominating in his hockey game.

Beck hasn’t come home for any holiday since he left for college, and although we’ve grown rather close sincethe end of summer, I still don’t expect him to race home anytime soon.

After he left so abruptly at the end of summer, it forced me to come to terms with what that meant. Not forus, but for me.

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