Page 92 of Now Comes the Mist

“Oh, Lucy,” Mina whispers, tears streaming down her face.

“You were attacked by a blood-drinking beast,” Dr. Van Helsing says. “I saw him in the guise of a man, though not very clearly in the shadows. He flew away in the form of a bat.”

Arthur whirls on Quincey. “Do you see? I hope you feel proud of yourself, shooting at a helpless, innocent woman! It wasn’t her fault!”

A tear slips down the cowboy’s face. “But she isn’t helpless or innocent anymore,” he says, his voice cracking with emotion and uncertainty. “We all saw it just now. That child in Mrs. Harker’s lap almost became her next victim. Any of us might. Especially you!”

“Hush,” Dr. Van Helsing says sharply. His eyes are on me, shrewd and penetrating. “How did the creature find you, Lucy? He came to you first at Whitby.”

I hesitate, struggling to find the right words.

Jack and Quincey begin to fidget, tense and impatient, and Dr. Van Helsing holds up his hand. “Let her take the time she needs,” he warns them. “There is some sort of restriction, some coercion, that forbids her from revealing her attacker. Did you not see how it pained her?”

I feel a rush of gratitude for him. “Mina knows how much I love the cliffs at Whitby. And how I have sleepwalked all my life. I did it often this summer, and many nights, I found myself sitting there above the sea.” I am too afraid to go on, but I see the comprehension in both Dr. Van Helsing’s and Mina’s eyes. Mina lets out a low moan of grief. “It was not your fault, Mina, darling. You could not have prevented me. Iwantedto go.”

“She was lured,” the doctor says softly to Jack. “She was seduced.”

“It is not that simple,” I say shakily. “We spoke about immortality at dinner once, Doctor. Do you remember? I have always longed for freedom. The ability to roam, to experience, and toliveas men do. But I felt that there was nothing more in life for me but to belong to Arthur.”

Arthur’s voice is as frail as taut thread. “I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Idowant it,” I cry. “I want to marry you and love you and be happy with you. But I also want freedom afterward. After living life with you.”

“And this was whathepromised you?” Dr. Van Helsing asks.

I do not answer. I do not even nod. I only meet Mina’s eyes, which are even bluer through the sheen of tears. “Mina, I could not help it. You know how death has stalked me, haunted me.”

“Oh, Lucy,” she whispers, her face unbearably sad.

I press my hands over my heart, which aches as much as it ever did, though it is still and lifeless. “Know that I made this choice. I did not understand it completely. But know that Ichoseit, however great a mistake I have found it to be.” I bow my head, ashamed by my foolishness. I did not think it through.Anyof it. For in this form, I must always mourn others; I must hide and not be close to anyone; and I must live on with the hateful, vindictive Vlad, not the kind and tender one I had first met on the cliffs. “I chose this for myself. Please, please try to understand.”

“What do you mean bychoosing?” Dr. Van Helsing asks slowly. “One does not choose to be attacked. Unless …” He trails off. “Unless you were never attacked, and hadasked…”

“Asked?” Jack whispers. The arm holding the cross drops to his side.

“Asked?” Arthur utters.

They look at me and I look back. I had not thought the churchyard could get any quieter, but it does. No crickets chirp, and not a blade of grass rustles. It is the all-encompassing silence of death, of the tomb, hanging over us like some unseen shroud.

And then Mina falls to the ground,screamingwith grief. Quickly, Dr. Van Helsing takes the terrified child and hugs her close as Mina beats the grass with her fists, ignoring Arthur’s and Jack’s attempts to help her up. “How could you, Lucy?” she asks, her words barely intelligible. “How could you do this to yourself? How could you subject yourself to such an existence?”

Everything in me wants to run to her and hold her. But I am afraid that Quincey will shoot me, so I settle for crumpling to the grass as well, several agonizing feet away from her. “I love you, Mina,” I say, but my words are drowned out by her shouts.

“You have robbed us of yourself! Do you understand the cruelty of what you have done?” she shrieks. “You have stained and destroyed yourself beyond redemption. Your soul, Lucy! You feed on the blood of the living! I … I cannot—” Her weeping trebles the ache in my heart.

“But I am still here,” I say desperately. “Here in the flesh, with you and Arthur. And I can be with you for years and years! I will never leave you. Arthur and I will marry, and we will see you and Jonathan, and we can all be together. Your children—”

“Her children?” Quincey gasps. “Mrs. Harker’s children would never be safe from you!”

Arthur goes white and sinks onto the bench Mina has vacated.

“Arthur, please,” I say, stretching my hands out to him. “You said, that final night, that you would love me as I am. You said—”

“You almost killed a little girl, Lucy,” he whispers, rocking himself. “Quincey is right. We all saw it. I laughed in Dr. Van Helsing’s face when he told me what he suspected. What he and Jack planned to do tonight. I came with them to show them how wrong they were to slight your name, to evensuggestwhat they did. But that child was so frightened, and you had her, and you—” He buckles over, putting his head between his knees as though about to be ill.

“How could you think I would ever hurt her?” I plead, cut to the quick. “Do you not know me? Any of you? I wouldneverharm that little girl!”

“Not the old Lucy Westenra, but you,you—” Quincey cries.

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