Page 78 of Forest of a Thousand Lanterns

The eunuchs waited by the entrance as she entered the palace gardens, sweeping her eyes from side to side for Wei’s familiar form. Although she understood why his message had been terse and simple, without words of love, the hurt lodged itself in her throat. She didn’t deserve him; she never had, and now he must know it, too.

“I’m here.”

She turned to see Wei regarding her from the shadows. He stepped out to meet her, but kept his arms behind his back instead of holding them out to her as he did before. They stood apart like performers in a tragic play.

“I’m glad to see you.” She moved closer and lifted her hand to his face, but he flinched and turned away. “What’s wrong? Why did you want to meet?”

He rubbed a hand over his head, his eyes on the ground. “The General has ordered me to accompany the Emperor’s envoy in a week.”

She watched him pace, his shoulders taut with tension. His breath emerged on the air in puffs of angry smoke, and he looked anywhere, anywhere but at her. “I’m happy for you, Wei. He must value you a great deal to include you on such an important mission.”

“He said he’d make me a captain if I came back.”

Xifeng paused. “Ifyou came back? Shiro told me you would all return in a month.”

“No.”

She gave a short laugh of frustration. “Then how long until you return?”

Wei looked at her at last, and she saw he had been crying. It made him seem smaller, younger, and the laughter died on her lips. “I’m not coming back.”

She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “You can’t mean that.”

“They say the Empress is failing. She won’t make it through this birth. And with her gone, you can havehimand these visits you’ve been paying to his bed will become respectable.”

His flat, defeated voice frightened her. This was not like the fight they’d had at Akira’s, when she had sensed him drifting away—this felt like he was already on the opposite shore, turning his back on her. Shewanted him to rage and scream, drive his fist into a tree, threaten to rip Jun apart.Thatwas the Wei she knew.Thatwas the Wei who would fight the gods in the heavens if it meant he could have her.

Part of her felt grateful... relieved. At last, they both knew the truth. There was no lie left between them, no misunderstanding. They would set each other free. She would be Jun’s Empress, and Wei would lead some life far, far away, safe from her reach.

And yet another part of her clung to the memory of his love, to the knowledge that he had once been the only star in her dark sky. And if that light should go out... she would truly have nothing left of the person she had once been.

She spoke in a low, desperate voice. “I haveneveronce gone to the Emperor’s bed. What do you take me for, another one of his whores? You should know me better than that.”

He spun so quickly, they were face-to-face before she’d had a chance to inhale. “Do I?” he snarled. “Do I know you at all, Xifeng? Tell me where Lady Sun is. No one has seen her in the whole of the Imperial City, no monastery, no teahouse, no inn. Did she vanish into the Great Forest alone and on foot, late at night? After a life of pampering, she just decided to run headfirst into the wilderness without her precious son?”

“What exactly are you accusing me of?” she demanded, her face inches from his.

“All I know is you’re different. You’ve changed.”

Xifeng scoffed. “This again!”

“You’ve changed intoher!” Wei roared. “She’s been inside you all this time, egging you on, taunting you to hurt others. You think I don’t know why you wouldn’t love me? Because that snake has been poisoning you this whole time. You have no creature inside you but Guma.”

In his eyes she saw agony, breathtaking in its hopelessness. It wouldalways be there now, no matter what she said or did, and knowing that made her heart ache and ache. She wrapped her arms around him and he shook with emotion, but did not move away. “I do what I must to secure my position, so I can help you when you need it.” She almost believed it herself. “Whatever happens, wherever I go, do you doubt I wouldn’t use my influence to elevate you as well?”

“But where dowefigure into your plans, you and I? Do you truly think of me at all, when that head of yours is plotting and scheming? Can you imagine a future in which we could be together? Because I can’t. Not anymore.”

“I love you, Wei. I love you as much as I can...”

He shook his head. “It’s not enough.”

She clutched the front of his tunic. “I love you as much as I will ever love anyone.”

“You can’t have everything, Xifeng. You can’t have him and still have me, too. He doesn’t share and neither do I.” For the first time, he pushed her away gently. “You were never mine, but you’ll be his. And I won’t stand by and watch you tie your life to another man. Not even if it’s the Emperor. Not even if it’s me you think it’ll help.”

She was in free fall, flailing through the air for something, anything, to keep from crashing to the ground. He meant what he said; he always did. He would ride away from her forever, after all they’d been through. She knew it was time to let him go, but now, faced with the reality of it, she thought it might be the death of her if she did.

Her whole body shuddered with panic. Perhaps Guma had been mistaken. Perhaps they had thought about this all wrong. Xifeng had been so intent on becoming Empress, she had forgotten the warrior card that promised Wei’s fate was tied to hers. How could he be the sacrifice, yet also inextricably linked to her forever? If he went away, if that part of herdestiny changed... what else would? Would her fate still come to light?

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