Page 30 of Forest of a Thousand Lanterns

Xifeng felt clammy with nervous sweat. “It was worth taking a chance. I knew he would have resigned himself to whatever the prince gave him and never asked for more.”

“A soldier’s salary won’t make anyone rich, but there’s comfort and security, no matter which banner he’ll be placed under. Now you can marry and truly be man and wife.” Hideki hummed as he strolled away down the field, tracking Wei’s progress like a proud older brother.

Shiro eyed Xifeng solemnly. “Should I assume that what you did just now means you’ve made up your mind? About the matter we discussed?”

She averted her eyes from the sorrow in his face that was not for her. “I can’t trap myself like that. There are things I know about my future... things I can’t tell Wei. Not yet.”

“The future may yet be changed. Consider that before you throw away a certainty for a possibility.” Shiro turned and walked after Hideki.

Xifeng twisted her hands together, watching Wei on the field through a film of tears.I am destined for another,she imagined telling him.I can never be yours, for you cannot take me where I seek to go.

The cards insisted Wei would always be a part of her fate, in spite of the Empress prophecy. Perhaps they had known all along that he wouldbe tied to her through pain and hopelessness, kept forever at arm’s length—that he would be her ultimate sacrifice to achieve the destiny they foresaw.

She closed her eyes and wished fervently that she had never met him.

The dreaded subject came up that night.

“I’m glad Shiro has healed enough to go to the palace, but Akira didn’t seem very happy,” Xifeng remarked. “Do you think he’ll come back?”

“He will, if he truly wants her.” Wei wore an expression she feared, knowing what it meant. “And now I’ll tell you whatItruly want. What I’ve wanted since I first met you.”

“You were nine when we met,” she said, smiling, though dread rose in her throat like acid.

“No jokes this time, Xifeng,” he said gruffly. “No excuses. I want you to be my wife. I can’t ask you in a grand, poetic way. I haven’t had a fine education like Shiro. But I’ve loved you for ten years, and there’s no one to stop us now.”

She wanted to weep, not because of the tenderness in his eyes, but because she loved him too and could not let herself admit it. If she gave in, if she yielded her heart and her life to his keeping, she would be no better than her mother. And now thetengaruqueen had confirmed herdestiny; she had as good as promised that Wei would be Xifeng’s sacrifice.You are meant for much, much more,came a whisper from deep within, which did nothing to comfort her.

“You impressed His Highness today,” Wei went on. “He said you spoke as well as any lady and you’re every bit as beautiful. He wanted to ask you to join the Empress’s attendants, since you’re still unmarried. He’s certain his mother would like you.”

Her mouth went dry. She grasped the table edge, for her knees threatened to buckle beneath her. She had dared to seize her fortune and Wei’s, and the heavens had rewarded her. “He said that?” she whispered, heart drumming with fierce triumph.

“Yes, but you don’t need to do that anymore,” he said earnestly. “Why slave for the Empress when you could be the mistress of our home? Every soldier gets a bit of land and a small income. I won’t have riches, Xifeng, but I never wanted them. I want you.”

She leaned her head against him, knowing he liked her best when she was gentle and quiet, but inside, she felt like screaming. She felt like raking her nails on the walls until her hands bled to make him understand.

“You mean everything to me,” she said, and in her voice he could already hear her refusal. He pulled away, his face darkening. “I care more for you than I do for anyone else.”

“Then why?” he demanded. “Why do you keep refusing me?”

“I’m not refusing you. I have never refused you.”

“You always find a reason to delay. That’s the same thing.” He backed away from her pleading hands. “If you truly loved me, you would’ve agreed years ago. So what are you doing? Waiting for someone better to come along? Is that it?” His voice grew louder with each question. He took in her silent, downcast face. “Thatisit. You’re saving yourself for someone else.”

“Stop it, Wei.”

A vein throbbed in his neck. “Who? Who is he?”

Xifeng glanced toward the door. “Please...”

But his was an anger that had grown and festered for ten years, and there was no stopping it now. “Tell me, what more can I do to deserve you?” He yanked his arm from her reach. “Maybe you’re too busy missing your Guma’s beatings to see what’s in front of you, so I’ll tell you. I’m a good man, Xifeng. I let you have your own way and speak your mind...”

“You think I don’t know that? That I’m so blind and stupid?”

“Yes, I do!” he shouted, his face bright red. “I offer you the world...”

“Yes, the world asyousee it!”

“I saved you from that evil woman!”

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