Page 24 of Forest of a Thousand Lanterns

Once again, the assumption that Xifeng belonged to Wei—that she had no direction of her own. She wondered what they would say if she told them they might be sitting in the presence of the future Empress of Feng Lu. “My aunt wished me to seek my fortune at court... as a lady-in-waiting. It is where my fate lies.”

Hideki choked on his tea. “I wasn’t aware of this. I thought Wei wanted to start a business in the city. Did your Guma tell you whether it is a good or a bad fate?”

“The greatest seer cannot know the end of a person’s story. In any case, Wei and I have not yet come to an agreement about this.” Xifeng’s stomach twisted as she spoke. That was one conversation she wanted more than anything to avoid, but could not.

“The Empress’s ladies are not allowed to associate with men. You would be parted from him, perhaps forever,” Akira pointed out. The truth stung even more, coming from a stranger.

“Court is a dangerous place,” Hideki said grimly. “It’s made up ofpower and those poisoned by it. It’s like a sand pit in the desert: you can’t see one until it traps you, and then it’s too late. You struggle to regain your footing, but you won’t go far before sliding to the bottom.”

Xifeng’s eyes cut to Akira, who nodded sagely, though she probably didn’t know much more about court life than Xifeng did. Xifeng struggled not to roll her eyes.

“For every step you take, there are ten others close by, hoping you’ll fall so they’ll have their chance,” Hideki continued. “It’s a madness, a desperation to climb to the top even if the slippery walls betray you.”

“This is what you think of me.” Xifeng set her teacup down, hard. Theydaredquestion her. “That I’m silly and empty-headed, and my Guma would send me to court unprepared?”

“I’ve no doubt she wanted a better life for you,” he said, disturbed. “But in my country, mothers fought to keep their daughters away from the palace. I’ve seen what court can do to someone with a good heart. I’ve seen how Shiro has been treated simply because he is smaller than other men. The courtiers are kinder to their dogs than they are to him.”

“Not even the Empress is exempt from their cruelty,” Akira added. “She has given three sons to the crown, but longs for a daughter and keeps trying though she’s nearly fifty. The gossips say she celebrates every festival with yet another failed pregnancy.”

“And if I were the Empress,” Xifeng said in a quiet, dangerous voice, “I would teach them the meaning of respect. I would execute anyone who dared speak a word against me. And that includes anyone who dared speak ill of my friends.” She glanced at Shiro’s motionless form in the other room. He was so kind and gentle, and he had saved Wei’s life. Yes, she would take much delight in sentencing his tormenters to a painful, prolonged death.

There was a long, tense silence in which she could hear her ownbrutal words ringing in her ears. Where had they come from? Had it been the creature within her, once again breathing its evil thoughts from her lips?

“I would be merciful, too, to those who deserved it,” she said hastily. “I would raise my friends high and treat my subjects with kindness.”

Hideki’s face relaxed, though his lips were still thin. “You’d be someone to be reckoned with at court, then.”

Wei came in at that moment, pink cheeked and jubilant, and Xifeng rose gladly to meet him. At the physician’s request, he brought the food into an adjacent room. He glanced at Xifeng as he stacked his purchases on the shelves. “Is everything all right?”

“I’m fine. Just annoyed with everyone judging me and the things I want. I told them about Guma’s hope that I serve in the palace.”

Wei’s cheer faded. “You didn’t need to bringthatup. Hideki has a dim view of everything to do with the Emperor, including his army. I heard at market they’ll be recruiting soldiers on the training fields tomorrow...”

Xifeng’s heart leapt. “Yes, I know. I thought you could go and...”

“But that’s an old dream. I’d prefer to stay here in the city with you.”

But me,she thought helplessly.What about whatIprefer?

“I passed a smithing district on the way to market. It would be simple to find work there.”

“But that’s not what you truly want to do,” she argued, watching with acute hunger as he hesitated. If only she could make him see he belonged with the army. And if his entry into the Imperial Palace facilitated her own—if it brought him into proximity to high-ranking officers and their wives, who might mention her to the Empress—so much the better.

But Wei shook his head resolutely. “Sword-making is the craft Iknow, and it makes money. I can take care of you. You won’t have to serve at court like that witch wanted after all.”

“Thetengaruqueen told me I would end up at the palace one day.” Xifeng placed a hand over her heart. “And she told methiswas real. Something inside me threatens to poison me.”

Wei took her face in his hands. “There is nothing evil inside you that your Guma didn’t put there. This is what the queen likely meant.”

“She told me I can choose not to listen to the creature and somehow it will go away.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I could save myself, and more besides. But I’m afraid, Wei. I’m afraid I’m not strong enough and it will consume me.”

He wiped her face tenderly with a calloused hand. “Youarestrong enough. You chose to leave Guma and come with me, didn’t you? She tried to make you twisted like her, only you can’t see it because you love her for some reason.”

“Wei...”

“Listen to me. She raised you in the way a farmer raises oxen. For a purpose, not love. She never saw what you really are. You need to let go of her, Xifeng, and be free.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

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