“Open your eyes,” Keir commanded in a hushed tone. “Please.”
Chapter 22
Keir
I was a dick. No, I was worse than a dick.
My anger was misplaced. Lillian didn’t understand the significance of our back pain, but it made my heart rise to my throat when she told me she was hurting. I could handle being hurt. My father had been punishing me for centuries, buther? The moment I made the connection, I nearly vomited.
He hurt her.
Because of me.
It was all my fault.
And not just the back pain—the entire shitshow. She was here in Hell because of me. She was defenseless because I wanted her to need me—need us. I kept her hidden, isolated, just for him to find her anyway. It was stupid to keep her at the flat in the first place. I should have had the twins take her somewhere else—anywhere else—but I didn’t want to be away from her. I wanted to keep her here for my own selfish needs, yet I continued to hurt her, and I couldn’t stop, not even now.
Her shoulders were slumped, eyes pinched shut to avoid looking at me. I didn’t blame her, but I couldn’t stand for this. I demanded she look at me, but I winced as I heard my sharp tone and followed it up with a please to hopefully soften the demand into a request.
She sniffled as she blinked her eyes open.
My heart sank.
Those gorgeous, emerald green eyes that stole my breath on a daily basis were dull and tired.Idid this.Ihurt her. Guilt was so heavy in my chest, it was difficult to breathe.
She must’ve been expecting me to say something, because she rolled her eyes before starting to get up. I squeezed her thighs, my hands acutely aware they were actually touching her skin, burning, even.
“It’ll never be enough, but for what it’s worth…” I trailed off, not sure if apologizing was even worth it. She deserved more than that, more than what I could give her. An apology would do nothing to repair the damage between us.
“It still helps to hear it,” she said quietly, her eyes holding steady with mine.
I swallowed hard. She was right. I stroked the soft skin of her thigh with my thumb, eliciting a tiny, nearly inaudible gasp from her. “I’m sorry.” She pursed her lips. “Truly.”
She didn’t react for several seconds, and I started to think I’d actually broken her, wrung her of every emotion.
“Thank you.”
I might not have heard it had I not seen her lips utter the words. The corner of my mouth twitched in response, and I nodded.
Her eyes lit up a bit, and her posture improved.
“I’ll forgive you if…” I nodded at her words, eager to hear the cost of her forgiveness, willing to give her anything she desired. “You tell me what upset you at breakfast.”
I pressed my lips together, my body going rigid of its own accord. At that moment, Lillian knew I wasn’t going to tell her. She dropped her head with a sigh, chuckling bitterly.
“Of course not.”
She stood, my body instantly missing her warmth, and offered her hand to me. I didn’t need her help, but I was in no position to refuse her. Once I was standing, Lillian picked up the daggers we’d been practicing with and returned them to the rack.
I couldn’t move. I wanted to explain myself and let her in on the big secret I’d been keeping from her, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let her get wrapped up with me. Just because she was my destined love didn’t mean we should be together. I was already hurting her enough, and we weren’t even together. I couldn’t imagine the damage I would cause if I held her heart in my hands.
“For what it’s worth,” her voice dragged me from my thoughts. She stood at the gym door, holding it open a crack. “I still forgive you.”
I’d never felt so worthless and alone as when the door closed behind her.
Fuck!
***