Page 49 of Cruel Bet

“I promised her I would let her be free, to live a life away from all this. It’s been almost three years, I can’t go and disrupt her happy life now.”

“How do you know if it is happy? She could be missing you as much as you miss her. Go see for yourself, at least then you can get some closure. If she is happy and has moved on with her life, perhaps you can do the same,” Dimitri pointed out, an idea that had not occurred to me.

***

And so, a couple of weeks later I found myself in Mexico, watching her from afar. I didn’t want to disrupt her life if she was happy, so I’ve been observing her from a distance. I saw her leave the small beachside restaurant she works at shortly before sunset and followed her to a yoga studio. She looked happy and healthy. Her dark hair has lightened with blonder streaks from the sun and has been cut shorter to sit just below her shoulders, her pale skin is tanned, and her figure is toned and healthy from the yoga, but with a softness and rounder curves that had not been there before. She looks incredible, even more beautiful than I remember. Just seeing her made me want to run to her, take her in my arms and never let go. But I held back.

I followed her home afterward, still keeping my distance. I had to see her home, see if she was truly as content here as she seemed. Through the windows from my vantage point, I see a small child and a handsome dark-haired man greet her as she enters. The cherubic little girl reaches up her arms and Arianna scoops her up, laying kisses on the girl’s cheeks as she squeals in delight. She leaves the room for a short while and I watch as the man proceeds to continue cooking, pouring two glasses of red wine. A short while later she returns alone, presumably having put the child to bed. She smiles gratefully at the man, and they speak, he gestures to the meal, and she sits down and accepts the wine.

My heart breaks all over again. She’s happy, she’s moved on with another man. The angry jealous monster in me rages against its cage, and part of me wants to rush in there and tear the man who took her from me, limb from limb. But that’s the thing, he didn’t take her. I was the fool who let her go.

I know I should go now and save myself further pain and leave Arianna to the happy, safe, and peaceful life she deserves.No wonder Kimiko was only too happy not to talk about her. It feels like a knife has lodged itself in my chest.

And yet I can’t look away. I stand, transfixed, watching the life that I could have led if only things were different.

Chapter 29

Arianna

“Thanks for looking after her Luis, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I say gratefully as I return from putting Mads to bed.

It’s true, without his help, I don’t know what I’d do. I’d have to hire someone I suppose. But, although Kimiko tries to give me money when I see her, I refuse to take more than a tiny amount, I assume it’s her or Nikolai who pays for the house, so I refuse to take more unless we’re desperate. I work part-time hours at a restaurant to make ends meet, but a nanny would be an added burden that would tighten the purse strings. When Luis offered to babysit the three afternoons a week so I could work and go to yoga, I practically cried with relief.

“It’s my pleasure, you know I’m always happy to help you,” he says with that same longing look he gives me that makes me uncomfortable. “Here, sit, I made dinner,” he says, handing me a glass of wine.

“Luis, you really shouldn’t have,” I admonish, though my rumbling stomach makes me grateful I didn’t have to scrape together something from the leftovers in the refrigerator.

“Nonsense, I cooked for Mads, so it was simple to rustle something else up for the adults,” he says.

We sit and enjoy an amicable dinner, chatting about everything and nothing. Luis often tries to pry more information about my past from me, but I always evade his questions. I sense he is hurt that I don’t open up to him more. He’s been a goodfriend to me, I know he wants to be more, but I can’t bring myself to let him in. I have no interest in dating. I’ve tried to make this as clear as I can to him. But still, he sometimes tries to convince me otherwise. Tonight is one of those nights.

“We’d be good together don’t you think Kate?” he says, calling me by my new name and leaning across to take my hand.

I pull my hand away, perhaps a little too abruptly. “Luis, we’ve talked about this. I value your friendship, I truly do, but I’m not ready. I’m not sure I ever will be.”

I get up, clearing away our empty plates for something to do, trying to create some distance between us. Usually, he gets the hint and bids me goodnight. But something’s changed tonight. As I go to pick up his plate he grabs my wrist.

“Luis, let me go,” I say, shocked.

He stands and it’s as though he’s an entirely different person. Usually, he holds himself in a self-deprecating kind of way, stooping slightly. Now, he pulls himself to full height and he seems to radiate a dangerous kind of energy. But it’s nothing like Nikolai used to be, it’s pure rage and violence. The look in his eyes is like nothing I’ve seen before. His expression darkens and I try to pull my arm away. I back up but there’s hardly any space between his seat and the wall, as my back presses against it, I realize there’s nowhere left to go and he’s still gripping my wrist painfully tight, advancing on me like a wild animal.

“Luis, you’re hurting me!”

“Always such a fucking tease. ‘Oh, Luis will do whatever I say, Luis is a doormat, I’m too good for Luis.’ Constantly parading yourself around me, flaunting it, and then acting like you’re the Virgin fucking Mary when I try to do something aboutit. Well, I’m not taking it anymore, you’re going to fucking give me what you’ve been taunting me with for fucking years,” he snarls.

My blood runs cold as he places the other hand around my throat, pinning his body against me and trapping me between him and the wall. I put my free hand on his wrist, pulling it back to try to give me some space, his grip eases up enough so I can speak but doesn’t move away.

“Luis, please, think of Mads,” I beg, trying to keep my voice calm and quiet to not wake her.

But there’s no reasoning with him. It’s like he’s a different man. Possessed.

“You think of Mads. Just be quiet and give me what I want, and everything will be okay, no one has to get hurt. I promise if you relax, you’ll enjoy it,” he says dangerously softly as he tightens his grip on my throat. Terrifyingly, it sounds as though he believes it.

In my confusion and fear, I don’t know how to react. My first instinct to fight is overwhelmed by fear for my daughter’s safety. I stand rigidly still, like prey that’s frozen in shock, unsure whether to pick fight or flight. He takes my stillness as approval, that I’ve given in and will let him do as he wishes. His hot, stale breath is on my face as he moves his mouth toward mine. I tightly press my lips together, feeling sick from the sour taste of cigarettes. He releases my wrist, squeezing my breasts painfully. His hand is still tight around my neck cutting off my air supply. When I still don’t move, he takes his hand off my neck and proceeds to begin fumbling with the buckle of his belt.

All of a sudden, the fight in me comes back. I will not let this man rape me with my baby girl asleep in the next room. Islap him hard across the face and he reels back in shock for a moment, his hands flying up to his cheek where I hit him.

“You fucking bitch!” he shouts incredulously, reaching up an arm to strike me.

---