Page 38 of Dirty Monsters

It wasn’t sexual or angry. It wasn’t anything.

Blank.

I started to think of something to say to him, something to get under his skin and piss him off. Only he spoke first, knocking me off my axis with his words.

"I never hurt you."

I said the words because it was all I could think about.

From the moment she called me a monster, I wanted to yell at her because I never hurt her. She had to know I wasn’t there and didn’t take part in the bullying Kane did.

I was guilty by association, sure, but I wasn’t the culprit.

Kane and I were twins, but we weren’t identical. Maybe it would be hard to tell to a scared eleven-year-old girl in the dark, but Kane always let her know it was him. He took pleasure in her fearing him.

Torturing her.

I could hear her screaming for me, begging me to help her. So I knew she knew it wasn’t me. Yet, for some reason, I was still a monster to her.

I guess I couldn't blame her. I couldn’t forgive myself for the role I played, even if it was minor. However, I didn’t think we should have been disowned for it. Brothers always gave their sisters a hard time, and even though Kane took it too far, our parents should have helped us—not thrown us away.

While I never forgave myself for not helping her, I never forgave her or her parents for not helping us—Kane.

Me.

"You hurt me every day," she mumbled, turning her attention back to her horse.

"Not physically," I countered.

"You don't get an opinion on how you hurt me. You don't get a say-so. You know what else you don't get to do? You don't get to talk to me about my horrors. In case you can't tell, I am fine now. I don't even think about those days."

"What about the drugs?" I asked, too curious to shut up.

"What about them? They're fun and give me a high. They help me escape."

"What do you have to escape from? Once Kane and I were banished, was your pedestal not high enough? Was your crown crooked?"

She was quiet and didn’t respond, making me think I had finally cut under her skin. “I’m far from being a princess.” She mumbled it softly, and I almost missed it.

The horses’ footsteps were barely audible on the sandy trail we were on. The wildlife was alive. Squirrels scrambled up and around tree trunks, following after each other and chittering as they ran around. Wildflowers littered the sides of the trails, and I wondered how they grew in such sandy conditions. Birds flew above us, and I watched as they floated in the wind.

The silence between us was deafening. Maybe I’d finally touched a nerve. Some of me felt bad about it, but the other part said fuck it. I didn’t owe her anything, or maybe I did? All I knew was at this point was we simply had to survive. Her playing the game to make it through, me keeping my damn mouth shut and not falling for my kid sister.

It didn’t matter if she was blood or not. It was fucked up how my thoughts erred on the side of impish. I wanted to fuck her, even after I found out who she was, and that was a whole other level of messed up.

She’d want it hard and rough, exactly how I liked to give it. She seemed like the fucked-up kind of twisted who would enjoy my games. My tastes were indecent, and the back of my brain said she’d like the pain.

She wasn’t staring back at me this time when I glanced her way. It gave me a minute to watch the way her hips rolled with each step her mount took. I wondered if her hips would roll the same way on top of me.

Knock it the fuck off, Rohlen. You aren’t fucking her.

I shook my head but continued to watch. Her tits jiggled along with each step, and I wondered if her nipples were a light pink color or darker. Fuck, why was I thinking about her naked?

I adjusted myself in the saddle, trying to be inconspicuous, but it was hard, literally. My boner rubbed against the front of the saddle with each step, and God, it hurt. Why the fuck was I riding a horse again? Didn’t they realize how uncomfortable it was for a dude? Like my nuts were screaming out like someone was murdering them.

“You alright over there, big bro?”

Talk about cold water doused all over my dick. It deflated like a hot air balloon. “Great,” I responded dully.

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