Page 3 of Dirty Monsters

I knew I was not normal, nor would I ever be, but the distance gave me time to breathe and feel like I wasn't constantly being watched. Gave me an opportunity to escape in my own way.

My past was why I was drinking my weight in alcohol at the bar. It was why I was letting the music from the speakers crawl into each crevice of my skin and take over my body. My veins hummed with the lyrics, each begging for another note.

Another melody.

Something else to take away all the bad shit of my past.

The pain, the anger, the grief.

For a moment in time, it took away the feelings of being alone and replaced them with something indescribable.

So did the line of coke I did with some guy I didn't know. It burned the entire way down the back of my throat, but I relished the drip. The way it made me feel or not feel. The jolt to my central nervous system as it took effect almost instantly.

When I was a child, I had dreams—big plans. I wanted to graduate college and make a name for myself in the world. That was before all the abuse. Now I spent my days partying, taking drugs, drinking, and fucking.

A pair of calloused hands grabbed my hips, following me as I swayed to the music pumping through me.

"Wanna get out of here?" He leaned in close enough for his hot breath to filter against my neck like the smoke of a cigarette.

"It depends."

"What’s it depend on, sweets?”

“What’s in it for me?”

He held up a baggie of my favorite white powder. Somehow, he knew I loved it, and I was instantly won over to the darkness. I didn't care who he was or what he wanted. All I wanted was the relief he was holding in his hand.

I slipped my hand into his much larger one as he led me off the dance floor. He waved to his friends with a grin the size of Texas before we headed into the night.

I’d smile at my friends too, but I didn't have any. I was alone with only the sins of my future in big, bold letters lighting up the night sky.

My companion for the night didn't live far from the club, so I followed him back to his place, moving slowly in my heels. He slowed his pace so I could keep up, and he grabbed my hand as if I’d float away into oblivion if he didn't hold on. It was a moment of uncomfortable silence, but I didn't feel utterly alone.

I stood quietly behind him as he fumbled with his keys to open the cherry-red door of his first-floor apartment. I still hadn’t asked for his name, but it didn't really matter. I didn't plan on hanging out long enough to bother.

Once the door was open, we slipped into the darkness of his apartment. Without bothering to turn on a light, his lips found mine. No warmup, no foreplay, no let’s chat and get to know each other first.

The way I liked it.

I didn’t give a fuck about what made him who he was. I simply wanted another drip of my drug.

“What’s your name?” he whispered in my ear as his lips drifted down my neck and toward my collarbone, licking and sucking as he traveled down my exposed midsection. His tongue felt warm against my skin before the cold air hit it when he moved to a new spot.

“Not important,” I clipped. His eyes found mine with his confusion.

“I’m Todd, in case you wanted to know.”

“Don’t care,” I bit back, urging him to keep moving, to take whatever he wanted so I could take what I came for.

I could tell he was shocked, but he didn’t say anything else before he continued with his previous intentions. His fingers teased down the sides of my body until they reached the hem of my shirt.

My hands found the buttons on his shirt, and I started to undo them one by one.

Who the fuck wears a button-down shirt to a dance club?

I let my hands glide up his chest before pushing the shirt off his shoulders. His muscles felt taut below my fingertips. His face might have been plain, but he had sculpted shoulders, broad pecs, and washboard abs.

His fingers nimbly removed my bra, leaving us chest to chest. For a moment, I allowed the warmth of his chest to radiate into my skin. Allowing myself to feel a little before I remembered why I was there. “Where are the party supplies?”

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