“Were you a dick? Seriously think about it Ty. You have a bad rap sheet when it comes to being ‘nice.’ Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to see you.”
I was shaking my head no before he even finished his thought. That wasn't it. Maybe I was thinking we were more than she thought we were. I could accept that since we hadn’t talked about us, that maybe she was pushing me away to save herself. Maybe she thought she was doing me a favor so I didn't feel obligated.
But it wasn't because I was a dick to her.
“I don’t think you get it Coach. I’m in love with that woman.”
Coach was taking a sip of his drink and almost spewed it everywhere. “What?”
My glass was empty so I circled my finger around the top of the glass, mindlessly. I was looking down, not wanting to look him in the eye when I said those words.
In all my macho glory, I was still a fucking coward. I could admit that I fell for Giselle, but I didn't have it in me to make it a big deal, to be overly dramatic about it.
I never answered Coach. He wasn't really wanting me to repeat my words, anyway. He was just as stunned as everyone else, including myself, that I had finally found a woman I would trade football for.
“Can you check on her, please?”
“I can try. Fuck, I’ll do my best.” He stood up and pointed to the couch, “Sleep there. I’ll go up there in the morning. There isn’t shit I can do tonight.”
I looked at the clock and it was already 2 am. Time had been lost while everything was happening and I couldn’t believe that much time had passed. I wasn't even sure what time I had gotten to Coach’s house.
Sleep wasn't happening though. Every emotion from guilt to sadness to anger to rage was coursing through me. I stared at Coach’s ceiling all night and talked myself out of storming the hospital at least 700 times. A part of me felt that laying there was not the best idea, that I should be manic and fighting to see her.
The bigger part of me just didn't want to scare her or risk not being able to see her at all when the time came. I wanted to save my irrational decisions for when I saw Mike again. He was the one that would get the worst of me.
At six am, I had decided four hours of misery and idleness had been enough. I got up and walked straight into Coach’s room, not bothering knocking. The plan was to wake him up and have him help me get to Giselle, I needed to see her more than I needed anything. But to my surprise, he was already dressed, standing in his room as he threw a shirt on.
“Fuck, Ty. Knock next time?”
“Ready?” I didn't bother acknowledging his statement or asking why he was awake. If he was ready to go, then I was too.
“You can ride with me to the hospital, Ty. I will do everything I can to figure out what the update is. But please don’t make me regret taking you.”
“Cross my heart,” I lied.