Page 92 of The Love We Make

“He told me you went to New York.”

“I did, I wanted to have a chat with our pal Ben.”

I lifted my head, hoping he meant in person and the news of Ben’s death was just a bad dream.

“It was one-sided, Maddy. But I needed to talk, nonetheless. Pay my respects.”

I lowered my head back onto my arms that rested on my knees. I couldn’t help the shake of sorrow that wracked over me. I was emotional on a good day, but all these feelings were getting to be too much.

I heard Ethan step closer, making the old pier creak beneath his feet. I felt him lower his body and he encased me from behind, hugging me. His legs were on either side of my body and his arms wrapped around my stomach. He rested his head on my back and took a deep breath.

“We ok?” He asked.

“I want to be,” I confessed. “I promised you I would be. I am trying, I swear.”

“Me too,” he added.

What did he have to try for? He seemed to be doing a good job. I stayed quiet and let him just sit there with me for another few minutes in peace.

“Are you ever going to look at me again?” He asked.

I shrugged in his hold. I didn’t know if I could look at him. He would see the truth on my face.

“How about you? What are you thinking?” I asked, hoping he could read between the lines—and my vagueness.

“Thinking about what a wild few days it's been.”

“Tell me,” I urged as he lifted his head from my back and sighed.

“I left New York and flew straight to Atlanta looking for you. I knew we had a few days left but I wanted to see you. I made a promise to Ben and I was all about trying to keep that promise. I got to your apartment and it took me a whole 7 minutes inside your apartment before I realized you had left. I started to call your parents when the phone rang and it was Tim. He was just asking how I was and if I had talked to you since you left Atlanta. I grilled him for everything he knew and decided to book a flight home. I needed to see you.”

“It has been a wild few days.”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“What promise?” I asked, thinking of what he had just said about Ben.

“Something Ben didn’t get to see through.”

“Ethan,” I moaned, tired of the circles we were dancing in.

“When we were 12,” he started, making me freeze to listen carefully, “I had a huge crush on you.”

“What?” I practically gasped.

“Ben was 12. He had told us he had a crush on a girl, remember?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, tearing up again. All the things poor Ben didn’t get to do.

“So when I visited him, I told him that 12-year-old Ethan would tell his crush that he liked her. I didn’t actually say that to him, but I kinda felt like I should do that for him.”

“So you had a crush on me when we were 12?”

“And 13,” he added. “And 14.”

“15?” I asked.

“Probably, but by then, I had come to terms with the fact that we were like family, and you cannot crush on your family. Plus, I was too scared we wouldn’t be best friends anymore if I told you.”

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