Page 112 of Beyond the Rules

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Zar slammed his ass on the nearest chair and, bracing his elbows on his knees, cradled his head in his hands. “Just kill me now. I don’t wanna go back tobeforeNina.”

Yeah, me neither. Back then, we’d been alive, but only barely. If Nina left, there’d be no point. We’d be dead menwalking.

“She doesn’t want us,” Aiden repeated like a scratched vinyl, his voice grating on my nerves, needling at my brain. “I thought shelovedus.”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” Zar raked his nails through his hair. “We’re too much for her. We’re damagedgoods.”

Damaged goods. Was that really what we were? Broken warriors with no hope for healing or redemption? It hurt me to see Zar’s and Aiden’s hollow stares, the misery that distorted their faces into a mere likeness of the fighters I knew so well, the despair echoing in my gut. Fucking hell. I was pretty sure I was bleeding internally. I dropped my crutches and slumped on the chair next to Zar. Was Zarright?

The pain of Nina’s refusal seemed to commandeer my damaged nerves. They fired a punishing round that sent agonizing spasms down my leg. But I’d been fighting pain for a while now. I knew what it meant. If there was pain, I was stillalive.

“She agreed to think about it.” Aiden paced the deck, dragging his hands through his curls, trying to convince himself, of what, I wasn’t sure. “That’s good,right?”

“It may be a moot point.” Zar’s muttered. “Her mind may be alreadymadeup.”

“Maybe, not.” I rubbed my eyes, trying to dispel the pain and the tension building there, thinking through everything I knew about Nina, everything I’d learned about her, not only as her friend and lover, but also as her profiler. “We screwed up. That’s true. We lied to her and she has a point. We’re hardwired to keep it all inside. We have to dobetter.”

Aidan stopped in his tracks. “What do you mean,better?”

“If we want her to be part of our lives, then we have to allow her in,” I said. “We’ve made some progress, but this is not just about us. It’s about her as well. We surprised the hell out of her. This commitment thing? She wasn’t expecting it. She’s shell-shocked, processing at her ownspeed.”

“I don’t know.” Zar stared at his polished shoes. “We might be fucked onthisone.”

I had a memory of hell week, back at training, and the shrill, bitter peals of the bell ringing, announcing that one of my fellow warriors had quit. I remembered how close I’d been to ringing that bell, several times through the grueling,bruisingweek.

My mind shifted to yet another, even darker moment in my life. I recalled the night that Carlos died on the ridge, the broken look in Zar and Aiden’s gazes, the unasked question in their eyes. Should wegiveup?

Hell no. We were trained never to give up. It’d been the answer back then and it was theanswernow.

“We arenotquitters.” I spat. “We arenotringing out. We still have a chance to convince Ninatostay.”

“How?” Aiden dragged a chair across the deck and straddled it in reverse, leaning his chest against the wrought iron back. The three of us sat in a circle, wounded, yes, but not dead, not yet. On the night that Carlos died, we’d done a similar thing. We’d crouched together in the darkness, facing each other in a desperate huddle, sweating, bleeding, defeated. And just as the sun rose and the enemy had begun to storm the ridge, we’d made our pact. We’d decidedtolive.

We were back at theridge.

I set aside the pain and forced myself to function. “We’ve got to keep the mission going,” I said. “We’ve got to buy Nina the time she needs to fight her fears and think through her options. We’ve got to introduce her to a different side of us, away from work, removed from the shop and the bunker. We’ll start by showing her a good time tonight. We’re gonna show Nina that we’re capable of operating beyond this house, that the old stale rules don’t matter, and that we are her best choice for lifepartners.”

“I know that in my gut.” Aiden shook his head sadly. “But why can’t sheseeit?”

The answer lit up in my brain, clear as a flare in a crisp desert night. “She doesn’t have enoughfaith.”

Aiden’s eyebrows knotted together. “You mean she doesn’t have enough faithinus?”

“No,” I said, “that’s not theproblem.”

Zar’s head snapped up. “Then what the fuck is theproblem?”

“She doesn’t have enough faith…inherself.”

Chapter31

Aiden

The wedding ceremony went well enough. Teresa looked beautiful and Gregory’s non-stop grin at the altar was one of triumph. He’d landed his woman. I wanted to land ours, too. I didn’t like this no man’s land we’d negotiated with Nina. I felt shitty inside, but I tried to stay positive, to find ways of dialing up my hope index and staying true to themission.

Call me a fool, but as Nina sat between Zar and me in the pew, looking very fine in her new dress, I was determined. She kept checking on me, giving me small, discreet, pink-glossed smiles, making sure I was okay. That was caring in action, right? Sure, there was still a lot in the air, but we were gonna nail it all down. Wehadto.

At the altar, Tanner stood next to Teresa, who’d chosen to have a “man of honor” instead of a maid of honor. If you asked me, he was more than qualified to be anyone’s man of honor. He’d proven his grace under fire every time, including today, when he’d rebounded first and pulled us out of the funk. His father, Governor Vazquez, was playing his part, behaving so far, but then again, he hadn’t had the chance to fuck with Tanner’smindyet.

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