Page 59 of Skysong

Andala nodded, swallowed hard. ‘I didn’t know that she knew. About you.’ A beat. ‘How does she know about you?’

Girard hesitated, then sighed. ‘I sought her out. After y— After Amie was born. I knew where I might find her, from what you had told me about her.’ He paused again, then added in a quieter voice, ‘I needed help.’

Help.Of course he had needed help. She had left him on his own with a newborn child.

Only months before that, she and Girard had run off together, just the two of them: farther away from the town where they’d met,212farther away from Andala’s mother and the life she had once known. They’d isolated themselves, just the way Andala had wanted it. Girard’s parents had died years ago, so of course he had come here – of course he’d sought out the only other family Amie had. Andala had left him nowhere else to turn.

She became vaguely aware that she was still shivering, whether from cold or shock or guilt, she did not know. Her gaze had locked onto the darkness out the window, the shadows coalescing into a looming wall of black. She could not stop staring into the night. For the first time in years, a hint of that oldest form of fear crept back into her heart. It sent cold fingers through her chest, stilling her lungs, seizing hold of her ribs—

‘Andala?’

She blinked. Girard’s face swam into view as he moved towards her. His eyes, seaglass green, glimmered with concern.

The air in the room suddenly seemed too thin. Andala swayed a little. Though her body wasn’t aching the way it usually did, she felt weak, unsteady. Had she eaten anything these past few days? Time had all blurred into one—

‘Whoa,’ came Girard’s voice, distant, as if she were hearing it from underwater. ‘Let’s sit you down. Easy, there.’

Hands, strong but gentle, guided her into an armchair by the fire.Father’sfavouritechair, Andala thought absently.IwishFatherwerehere.

A blanket appeared on her lap, heavy and warm. Then Girard was dragging another chair over to sit by her side.

‘What’s going on, Andala?’ he asked.

Andala poured all her energy into focusing on his face. She owed it to him, to explain herself and why she was here.

She told him everything. The story was grim, but Andala felt better for having shared it. Purged. Cleansed. She had not realised213how difficult it had been these past few years, never being able to be truly open with anyone.

Girard let out a long breath when she finished speaking. Then he stared into the fire, his expression unreadable. Andala waited anxiously for him to move, to speak. But whatever she was expecting him to say, it was not what he eventually did.

‘I’m glad you found her, Andala.’

A beat of silent bewilderment. Andala blinked. ‘I’m sorry?’

‘The skylark. Oriane. She must mean a lot to you. I can tell that she does.’ He turned from the fire to her, and she was surprised to see that he was smiling – a faint, strange smile, with happiness and understanding and regret all mixed up within it. ‘I’m glad you found her.’

Andala turned to the fire to avoid that smile. ‘You understand why I left, don’t you?’ she said, abruptly, urgently. ‘It wasn’t because I didn’t care about you.’

Girard looked down at his hands, clasped loosely together in his lap. He nodded. ‘I understand. I do. I know the two of us weren’t the same anymore, and I know … I know how terrified you were that you might do to Amie what your mother did to you.’ When he raised his eyes again, they glittered with a fine sheen of tears. ‘I’m afraid it didn’t make it much easier to find you gone.’

Andala closed her own eyes against the burning that had started there. Seeing him like this, being reminded of what she’d done to him, made her want to undo every action she’d ever taken, every word she’d ever spoken.

They had loved each other, once. She knew they didn’t anymore. But she still cared for him, and she knew he cared for her.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, knowing it was all she could offer, knowing it was not enough.214

‘I know,’ he replied.

They sat there together, the past swirling around them like a current. But when it finally washed away, strangely, it seemed to take a little of their hurt with it. Andala felt it, and she hoped Girard did too.

‘You’re still getting the money I’m sending?’ she asked quietly, after a while. Girard nodded slowly. Andala rushed on. ‘I wasn’t trying to buy you. Or to suggest that money in any way makes up for what I did. I know it doesn’t. It was just …’ A breath, in and out. ‘It was the only thing I felt I could do, to make both of your lives a little easier.’

He smiled. This one was familiar, genuine, the one she’d seen on his lips so many times before. ‘I appreciate it. It has been helping.’ He shook his head. ‘Why don’t other parents think to warn people that children are soexpensive?’

A grin broke out on Andala’s face, the first one she could remember for some time. ‘You mean they have to eat food? And wear clothes?’

‘More than you might think. Particularly the former. The way that girl can demolish a plate … It’s a thing of wonder to behold.’

‘Wait until a few years from now, when she’s really growing. She …’

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