Page 26 of The Glass Girl

There’s another black space.

And then…

That’s when my mother came in and then more black space, but it feels heavy in my mind, like there’s something attached to it, but I just can’tseeit.

All day those bricks of shame and worry have been building inside me, getting heavier each time, and now they just keep going in this car with my dad and I can’t stop them and do I have a problem am I the problem why doesn’t anyone understand why can’tIunderstand and don’t I have the answerin my backpack? Don’t I have the answer to make all this shit inside my head just stop for one second?

But I made a promise to Amber and I have to keep it.

—

Ricci is in bed when I let myself into the apartment after Dad drops me off. Vanessa is on the couch, the television on and a book in her lap. She smiles at me. “Hey. How was work?”

I drop the sack of Sonic chili dogs and fries on the breakfast bar. “Fine. Dad got food if you want some.”

She wrinkles her nose. “I think I had my fill of macaroni and cheese with your sister, but thanks. You want to watch TV? You can pick. I just have it on for noise, really.” She pats the cushion next to her on the couch.

I hesitate. I do kind of want to sit down and rest, because Patty’s Place was really busy and I’m so tired and worried about what Amber said and still feeling a little sick.

“Okay,” I finally say. I get a plate from the kitchen and slide a chili dog and fries on it and sit next to Vanessa, but not too close.

I tell myself if I’m sitting with Vanessa then that’s just more minutes and seconds and maybe an hour that I’m not in my room not keeping my promise to Amber, so it’s a good thing.

Vanessa is watchingForensic Files.

“You can switch if this is too scary for you,” she says, tossing the remote next to me.

“It’s okay. I used to watch it with my grandmother.”

She nods. “I bet you’re excited about a short school week. I was always dying for school breaks.”

I almost choke on my chili dog. “Wait, what?”

“It’s Thanksgiving! You don’t have school Thursday or Friday. That’s why I’m reading this.” She holds up a cookbook. “You and Ricci will be here, so I thought I’d try something more than macaroni and cheese.”

I chew my chili dog more slowly, my stomach sinking. Right.

Right.

This will be our first Thanksgiving without Laurel and we won’t be with Mom.

The chili dog, which was delicious, doesn’t taste so good anymore.

“Oh” is all I can say.

Vanessa closes the cookbook. “Bella, you okay? You know you can talk to me, if you want. About anything. I know it’s been a hard year and this thing with that guy…Danny?”

“Dylan,”I say sharply.

“Dylan. Right…well, I get it. I’m not trying to horn in or anything, but I’m here.”

I crumple up the rest of my chili dog wrapper and wipe my mouth. “Doesn’t it bother you that Dad goes out a lot? I mean, it can’t be that much fun hanging out with me and my nutty sister.”

She shrugs. “I don’t mind. You guys are cool.”

She pauses.

“Does it botheryou?” she asks.

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