Page 170 of The Glass Girl

“Right.”

His phone pings.

“Oh, hey, hold on, I have to get this.” he says, and turns away from me.

I pretend to look at my own phone. He’s murmuring. Takes a quick glance at me. Puts his phone back in his pocket.

“Onward,” he says. “It’s right over here.”

We have to hop a short wall. I scrabble a little going over it; he helps me down. We’re in someone’s backyard, where pathway lights lead to patio doors. I can see a light inside and people standing around. Josh takes my hand. Leading me down the path.

“You look really cute,” he says, smiling. “I don’t think you had any makeup on at Sonoran, did you? I like it. And like, here you are, with your whole real face, finally.”

I’m hoping he doesn’t notice the blush creeping up my neck.

“It’s a good face,” he says softly. “I’m looking forward to getting to know that face.”

—

He slides open the patio door.

There’s a crowd of guys and a few girls sitting in the living room, passing a bong. The television is on. YouTube. Skateboarding videos. A couple of the girls look me over.

I just stand there, not sure what to do. There are soft bells going off in my brain.

I don’t know anyone here. I should be at the movies, safe in the dark.

Josh goes into the kitchen and comes back with two beers. He hands me one.

“Just a pit stop before the movie.” He winks. “I swear.”

The beer. In my hand.

It was all so smooth and silky. In the house, then the kitchen, and now back to me, handing me a bottle like it’s nothing.

“Wait here,” he says. I watch him walk over to a guy in the corner, who glances at me and then at Josh. He slips his hand in his pocket and then passes something to Josh.

Josh turns to the wall and bends his head slightly so I can’t see what he’s doing.

His friend laughs.

The bottle is a thousand pounds but also light as a feather.

My brain says:oh god this will feel good can you even imagine you will get so fucked up so quick you’ve been sober so long

My heart says:Get out

He just walked from the kitchen to here and it landed in my hand, easy-peasy.

Like walking down a street and turning a corner, an invisible hand at your back. Like Fran said. Everything is fine and then suddenly you are not you.

I am not me.

My heart says:this boy is cute you don’t have to drink it just put it down.

My brain says:Bella do it your mom will never know pop a mint drink some coffee just have a little no one will know.

It’s like walking into the animal pen with a girl you punched in the face and you’re so starved for friendship you follow her and then you see what she has and your mouth starts to waterand haven’t you worked so hard aren’t you so tired of trying and didn’t Tracy say the world was uncontrollable anyway and if you did all those days before you can always do them again—

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