Page 15 of The Glass Girl

Her voice isn’t mean. Or knowing. Just normal, ordering food.

“No onions,” I say in a low voice. “Got it.”

“Cool. Can I have that with the cheese crisp and a Diet Coke?”

It would be so much easier if she was mean. I try not to see her face, her eyes. Her mouth. The mouth that he kisses now.

“Sure.”Scratch, scratch,my pen on the order pad digging deep into the green paper.

Silence.

On my order pad, so hard I almost rip it, I write in very, very small letters,I hate you so much right now.

Dylan says, “You know what I like.”

The green chile cheeseburger no tomato with a side of fries and ranch dressing and an orange soda.

I finally look at him. I can’t help it.

Brown hair falling in his eyes. Blue flannel shirt. The freckle above his left eyebrow.

What I want to say isI guess I do know what you like and it isn’t me. It isn’t me.

My body was on fire, but now it’s cold as ice, like when I have to get pickles and cheese from the walk-in cooler and it takes too long and by the time I have everything, my body is stiff.

What comes out of my mouth is “Yes.”

“Cool. Thanks.”

And then he turns back to Willow, who’s scrolling on her phone and laughing. He bends closer to look.

Dylan brought Willow here and didn’t think it mattered because…I don’t matter anymore. I’m no big deal. I’m nothing. I’m erased.

I walk slowly to the kitchen, rip the green sheet from my order pad, pin it to the carousel, and press the bell. I open my mouth, but I can’t even sayOrder up.

Deb turns around from the grill.

“What the hell is this?” she says, looking at the order sheet. “Something you want to tell me, Bella?”

Oh god, Deb read what I wrote about Dylan and thinks I meanther.

“Oh god,” I say. My voice is so small. “That’s not for you. I…”

I just want to die.

“Oh, shit,” she says. “Are you okay?”

My whole face is wet.

I’m digging the pen into the order pad, deeper and deeper, until I’m just ripping the sheets.

“Lonnie,” Deb says. “Go get Patty, quick.”

Patty appears in an instant. “You are sick, I knew it.” She puts a hand to my forehead.

But then she sees my face, and feels my tears, and turns around to see Dylan in the booth.

She sucks in her breath. “Oh, hell.”

---