Page 111 of The Glass Girl

I don’t think a goddamn thing will be different for me.

Wait, there are two things.

There was a new kid today. I don’t even remember his name because he just appeared and didn’t say anything at breakfast, even when Gideon, who is now the kitchen manager since Lara has left, asked him if he wanted to introduce himself. He didn’t.

He had bushy black hair and a thin mustache and he didn’t eat much.

But he ran.

Right after breakfast.

You’d think he would have done it on the Chuck run, but maybe he didn’t because Chuck would have caught him. Probably.

We were in the goat and chicken pen and I was fussing over Binky (I’ve finally learned one goat’s name) and this kid…just shot past us. Running like the wind.

Into nowhere. Into nothing.

And here’s the second thing.

When someone runs, this extremely loud alarm goes off and everyone has to dive flat on the ground wherever they are and wait until staff come by to count you and escort you to your room and you have to wait in your room until they decide to let you out.

So today I learned that even if you’re in an animal pen, which hasn’t been properly cleaned yet because Billy is really a slacker, you have to lie flat in very close proximity to shit for an ungodly and unfair period of time.

Kind of like the real world.

—me

Day Fourteen

Everyone is a littleon edge today.

Fran says in group that she understands, because tomorrow is parents day, anddo we want to talk about that?

No one says anything.

“Anyone?” Fran asks. “It can be hard, I know. A lot of complicated emotions.”

Charlotte says, “Frankly, Fran, I’m all talked out. I think we all are. Maybe you could talk about yourself for once.”

Fran looks at her. “Well, what do you want to know?”

Nick pipes up. “Like, I know we’ve heard the story of you and your friend in Anza Park, am I right? We all hear that, like, the third day in Detox.”

“Get new material, Fran,” Josh says.

Everyone laughs.

“But what about after that?” Nick asks. “Like, what was it like for you after? When you tried to kick? What was the hardest part? You’re always telling us we have to do our work, like on ourselves, inside and out, but you never actually tell us what that’s like. After. Trying to live.”

Fran thinks for a moment. “It’s different for everyone,” she says slowly. “But if you want to know the truth, the hardest part was quitting cigarettes.”

“Fuck off,” Charlotte says. “No way.”

“Language,” Fran says.

“Sorry,” Charlotte mumbles.

“I had tried to kick drugs before. I tried cold turkey. You get pretty sick. It’s one of the most awful things I’ve ever experienced, going cold turkey. You think you’re going to die. But after a while, the sick goes away and the work begins. And sometimes it doesn’t take. For whatever reason. It was hard for me, for a long time. Stop, start, stop, start. There were a lot of things working against me. Sometimes it felt like the easiest thing to do was to sink back into it. Who cared about me? A dirty woman living outdoors. Some people think you deserve that life.”

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