Page 101 of The Glass Girl

“She says she didn’t know about the boyfriend at the time. How long were you lying to her?”

“I’m sorry? I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell her. She would not have been into me seeing someone. She says fifteen is too young.”

“You lied by omission. You didn’t tell her about the boyfriend, you didn’t tell her about your drinking. You drank at your grandmother’s house with your grandmother and then later, when she passed, correct—”

“ ‘Passed’ makes it sound like she walked by me on the street and kept going. Shedied.”

There’s a crack in my voice ondied.

“If you prefer that term, that’s what I can use.” Tracy’s voice is neutral.

The boulder I’m on is suddenly very uncomfortable. I stand up with my coffee cup, a little ways away from Tracy.

“I don’t want to talk about my grandmother right now, okay? Is this over yet? I don’t want to be late for whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing next. I’ll get a demerit. I’ll get in trouble.”

“No, it’s not over, and you won’t get in trouble. I think you worry about getting in trouble, or troubling people, a lot.”

I blink. “Of course. I’m a teenager. There are rules to follow.Adults give them to you: Grow up. Take this test. Get a good grade. Brush your hair. Don’t wear so much makeup. Be happy. Be grateful. You have your whole life ahead of you. On and on and on and on.”

“Was your grandmother not like that?” Tracy asks. “You had a special relationship?”

“It wasn’tcreepy,if that’s what you’re getting at,” I say, my voice edged. “She was my grandmother, but she was also my friend. I could talk to her. About things.”

“Do you think it was wrong that she gave you alcohol, Bella? I’m curious.”

I sigh. “Probably? I don’t know. But parents give their kids alcohol all the time. Sips of wine and stuff. They buy it for you for parties. It’severywhere.You can’t get away from it. It’slegal.Amber is really the only person I know who doesn’t drink. Or dosomething.”

But even as I say that, I’m not sure that’s true. Amber, Cherie, and Kristen are just the only people I hang around, is all.

Tracy puts her notepad on the ground and picks up a dry leaf, crackles it into dust and watches the dust fall to the ground. She looks up at me.

“It is legal. But not for you. And many people can drink responsibly. Even teenagers. One or two drinks at a time and call it a night. I don’t think you can.”

I try to take another swig of coffee, but my cup is empty. “Well, maybe I can later in life. I’ll just have to be very strict about it.”

“I think the amount of work you put in to hide your drinking for so long points to high-functioning alcoholism. You were managing and maintaining several lies at once. Until youweren’t.”

I stomp my foot and immediately feel embarrassed. I’m notfive.“I’m not an alcoholic. I thought we agreed on self-medicating? Now you’re changing the rules, just like I said adults do! I drink a little too much, that’s all.”

Suddenly being outside, which had been nice, what with hummingbirds at the feeders in the mesquite tree above us and a good cup of coffee, is not so pleasant anymore. I can feel agitation burbling in me. I look around anxiously. I need…something to make this go away.

“You’re upset. I can tell,” Tracy says. “If you had something to drink right now, would you?”

“Yes,” I spit. “I would. I would. To shut you off in my head.”

“Well, you don’t have a drink, so what are you going to do about it?”

My lips are shaking. I miss Laurelsomuch. Why did she have to bring her up, anyway? Bricks are piling up in me. One, two, three. I need to smash them. I need to calm down. There are no wrens or sparrows here. I need to not flip—

I turn and throw my coffee cup as hard as I can. It smashes into pieces against the side of a shed by the goat pen. The goats look at me, perturbed.

Gideon, Josh, and Nick run out of the shed, look at the broken pieces of mug, then at me.

Josh’s eyes crinkle with concern.

“Damn,” Nick says slowly. “You flippedout.I didn’t think you had it in you.”

There’s a weird shine in Gideon’s eyes, like she’s almost…pleased?

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