Page 52 of Way Down Deep

5.27am

Okay, I don’t want to be worried.

But I’m now genuinely worried that I’ve said the wrong thing.

And if I have said the wrong thing, then you should really know: we can pretend I never said it at all. Just rewind and go back to whatever it was you were actually going to say, and then I’ll answer that instead.

I don’t want to push you, because you’ve never pushed me.

14

Thursday

1.34am

Are you there?

Malcolm. Are you there, still?

Please just tell me you’re there, because part of me is honestly starting to wonder if I just imagined you somehow. Like maybe I’m sleeping while Tyler Durden texts me from a secret phone I don’t know I have.

Or I guess it could be that you were a ghost.

I have a lot of them. They’re bound to attract more.

Just a couple of words would really reassure me that I haven’t attracted more.

15

Friday

10.00am

You don’t have to be with me again.

There’s no need to say anything sweet.

But if you could just message me that you’re not dead. That you haven’t died, somehow, that you’re not gone. I can’t stop thinking that you might be gone. I mean, that’s been a pretty strong theme in my life. People I love are there, and then suddenly they’re gone.

And I don’t mind, I wouldn’t mind, if you were only gone because you realised this was too much or too foolish or too something. I can carry on okay if I’m just foolish.

But I don’t know if I can carry on not knowing if something happened to you.

Please, at least give me that.

16

Sunday

12.01am

Goodbye, my love.

17

Monday

Unknown Number

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