Page 81 of Promise Me Not

I keep going, memories assaulting me with each flick across the touch screen.

Walks in the park and trips to his family’s cabin when he would steal the keys. The day I got my license and the day he failed his driver’s test for the third time. The first day of junior year and the pep rally I shot for the school newspaper’s article on the football team…

I swallow, my heart rate jumping and sending a hint of panic through me.

Football games and walks on the beach and dancing to no music at all…

My eyes squeeze closed, warmth rolling down my cheeks.

The boy who died and the man who’s still here…

I gasp, eyes flicking to the ceiling as I inhale deeply.

With shaky hands, I close out of the little blue folder, holding my breath as I locate a second, this one buried within several other files, forcing my clicks to be deliberate and never by mistake.

I open it up, and tears fall without fail.

The very first image in the gallery isn’t of me and Mason.

It’s just him, sitting on the back deck of the beach house, his head tipped back against the cushion…my son held tight in his arms with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around him. Fast asleep.

They were both asleep, and I can’t help but notice how not a single line is to be found on Mason’s expression. He’s blissfully passed out, my baby boy wrapped in his strong arms.

My eyes flick to the thin wall separating me from Mason.

He’srightthere. He’s within reach. All I have to do is go to him and end this.

My feet carry me to the door before I realize it’s happening, and slowly, I tug it open.

“Hey.”

I yelp, my hand flying to my chest, eyes narrowing on the dark hall.

Chase’s grin comes into view as he comes closer. “Sorry, I thought I heard you up, and I couldn’t exactly sleep either,” he whispers.

“If only we could sleep half as good as Deaton does,” I tease, glancing back at my sleeping baby. My eyes fall to the open laptop, then bounce to the wall Mason is behind once more. “Umm…” I face forward, pressure pulling at my muscles as I force my feet still when they’re desperate to move toward the man in the room next door.

“It’s not too cold out. Want to sit outside for a bit?” Chase offers.

I hesitate, trying to fight the irritation sweeping over me while wondering if I should simply tell him no and march myself right into Mason’s room, his best friend’s eyes on my back be damned. I would be in there already had he not appeared, lowering myself onto the mattress beside Mason and…

I swallow.

And what, Payton?

Forget you have to protect yourself, shield your son from the devastation you’d be left in if…

Chase’s smile falters a bit, and I shrug off my thoughts. It’s not his fault. He’s being thoughtful, offering me an escape from my thoughts with the presence of good company.

“Yeah,” I relent, a bitter taste on my tongue as I grab the baby monitor and a blanket, allowing him to lead the way. At the end of the hall, I glance back, staring at the outside of Mason’s door for a moment.

It’s for the best.

Filling my lungs with air, I spin to follow Chase out back.

I set the monitor on the little table and watch Deaton’s chest rise and fall a few times before looking up at the sky. We’re bothquiet for a long while, and I know when he finally turns my way, he has questions.

“Mason hasn’t been himself for a while now,” he says instead, green eyes holding mine.

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