Page 54 of Promise Me Not

It didn’t take long for the guilt I lived with to grow from a warm, wieldy pit in my stomach to a volcano of vast proportions.

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I mean, he’s dead, right? So what does any of it matter?

I’m here, and he’s not.

A humorless laugh leaves me, and I shake my head, lifting my camera once more and peering through the lens.

If only it were that easy, girl.

“Shoot, I am late!”

I whip around, smiling wide at the sight of Ari.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming to town today.” She beams, skipping down the steps and throwing her arm around me. “I was hoping I’d catch their practice, but looks like they’re about done.”

Both our eyes move toward the field, and as if an invisible string is tied from her to him, Noah looks up into the stands in the same exact moment. The smile that breaks across his lips has us both laughing, and a softness blooms in my chest, a teeny, tiny thread of jealousy tugging within me.

It takes her several seconds, but she finally looks my way again. “So you’re back at work?”

“Thank god for that,” I admit with a light scoff. “Too much time on my hands without it.”

She tips her head, eying me for a moment. “Have you ever thought about taking courses at the college? Maybe they have some photography or business classes that could help?”

Tucking my hair behind my ear, I shake my head, snapping a few shots of the running backs and their coaching staff as they close out their day.

“My internship comes with full-scale training in the equipment and software, and now that I’m on year two, I’ll be working on the film side as well, moving into live shorts for social media.”

“How exciting!” She lights up, and when she looks out at the field, a softness falls over her. “I wish I could just…be out here with him every day.”

“Why don’t you transfer to USD with Nate?”

She lifts a shoulder, not taking her eyes off the blue-eyed, black-haired man ahead. “I was more thinking along the lines of…dropping out.”

My eyes widen, and she laughs lightly, shrugging once more.

“I never wanted to go to college anyway, but I knew I should. Now, though? After everything that’s happened?” She shakes her head, emotion heavy in her voice, and I don’t know if she realizes it, but her palm presses to her belly. “I just want to be where he is.”

I can understand that. She almost lost the love of her life in a completely different way than most, but still she almost lost him. She understands, now more than ever, that life is short, and we should spend every moment we can with the ones we love most.

Unless you know what it feels like to lose that person for real and are certain you couldn’t survive it a second time…

I swallow, glancing at Ari once more.“Does he know?”

Her smile is sassy now. “That man knows everything I’m thinking with one look.” She sighs sweetly. “He’s just waiting for me to be the one to say it first.” She looks to me then. “It’s funny how the literal opposite he is of my brother.”

Both of us laugh at that.

“Yeah, Mason is…”

“Mason” we say at the same time.

We grow quiet, and when I drop down onto my butt to pack my things, she follows.

“The boys played their first game today,” she whispers, and the note of caution in her tone has my muscles bunching. “Mason threw for over three hundred yards.”

Unease stirs in my gut. I don’t know exactly what that means, but she says it with a tentative pride, so it must be good. Does that mean he won his first game as a starting quarterback?

Anxiety tugs at my conscience, my eyes slicing to where my phone hangs around my neck. Did he check his phone after?

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