Page 34 of Promise Me Not

“I mean, it would be okay if it was.” I lift a shoulder. “If anyone knows how little sense the way missing or wanting someone you can’t have messes with you, it’s me. Half the time, I feel like a rubber band, stretching and stretching, only to snap right back to where I started with a sting that wasn’t there before. It’s…exhausting.” I tense, peeking at him from the corner of my eye to find him staring. “I didn’t mean to throw that at you. I’m fine, really. I’m just—” Cutting myself off, I turn to Chase, mylips flattening, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m running my mouth to him once again. “That’s a lie,” I tell him. “I’m not fine. Sometimes things feel okay, but I’m neverfine. I don’t even like that stupid word. Fine. What does it even mean?”

I stand up, pacing the length of the bed of the truck.

I never thought things could get worse, but here I am, twelve months past what I thought was the worst day of my life, and guess what? Things. Are. Worse.

Things are worse, and like my mother always said, it’s all my fault.

My life is crumbling at my feet, and I’m the one holding the hammer.

I’m losing it.

A flash blinds me, and I look to Chase in confusion to find his phone in hand, a soft smile on his lips. “Because you look so tragic right now. Figured I’d show it to you when you’re back to yourpretendhappy-go-lucky self.”

It takes a moment, but a laugh leaves me, and I drop back onto the tailgate and bump his shoulder the way he did mine last time.

Picking up my milkshake, I give it a little swirl before taking another drink.

We sit in silence for a while, and it’s nice. Relaxing, even if I did have a moment a handful of minutes ago.

I’m so lost in the peace the night provides, I jolt when the warmth of Chase’s skin brushes against my own. My eyes fly to his, but his are on his knuckle as he drags it along the side of my mouth.

A small frown builds, and when he looks up, he lifts his hand to show a dab of ice cream before he uses a napkin to wipe it clean.

I hold my shake out in his direction. “Wanna trade?”

Chase looks down at his sundae, a glare growing before he passes it my way. “Yeah.” He sighs. “I think I’m ready for something new.”

The way he says it, I’m not so sure he’s talking about ice cream, but that’s none of my business.

I take the sundae and eat every bite. Tomorrow, I’ll regret it, but isn’t that the story of my life?

I used to think I was a model of self-control.

I’m not.

I’m a mess of self-sustaining tendencies and destroying everything I touch.

I’m a damn plague.

CHAPTER TEN

Mason

Now,July 9

“We’re having tacos.”

“I’m tired of tacos.”

“Who gets tired of tacos?”

“The people who have to cut all the toppings up every time, that’s who.”

“Well, maybe if you paid attention when Noah’s teaching Ari tricks in the kitchen, you wouldn’t be stuck with the shitty tasks no one else wants and you can’t fuck up.”

Brady dodges Cameron’s right hook with a laugh, throwing her over his shoulder right there in the middle of the store.

Ari sighs, shaking her head at our friends as they disappear around the aisle, Cameron cussing him out all the way. “Bet you five bucks he’s taking her to the cookie aisle as an apology.”

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