Page 27 of Loyalties & Longings

“My dad was an addict, and when he went a little heavy on whatever he was using, he would get paranoid and become aggressive.

“One time, when I was around twenty-one, I went out for the night with some old school friends. I’d had a few too many drinks andsomehowmade my way home. I was well and truly intoxicated. But my memory of what happened when I got home is a bit hit-and-miss. I do remember that when I was unlocking the front door, I could hear yelling and things breaking and smashing. I was trying to get into the house as quickly as I could and raced into the living room.

“When I got in, I saw my dad. He was standing over my mom, yelling something about her sleeping around and stashing his hard-earned money. He was punching her, kicking her, all while her body lay limp.” I rub my eyes, trying to get rid of the stinging threat of tears behind them. Lake takes my hand in hers, rubbing the back of it.

“I don’t remember how I got to the other side of the room, but before I knew it, I had my hand on his shoulder and was pulling him backward. He turned on me, swinging. His fist must have connected because I ended up with a black eye. Next thing I remember, I was crouching down next to Mom and feeling for a pulse. I couldn’t find one.

“That’s when everything turned into what felt like a lucid dream of sorts. I turned back to him. I remember the first punch landed on his son-of-a-bitch face, and he fell. And I must have kneeled over him because I drifted in and out of an absolute red rage. It was an out-of-body experience—I knew I was hitting him, laying into his face, one punch after another. I couldn’t stop, though. I was so angry, so drunk, so disgusted that my dadhad hurt my mother so badly that he’d robbed her of life. She didn’t deserve to die. He did, though.”

I pause to take a deep breath, focusing on a piece of dirt stuck under one of my nails. The stinging behind my eyes is becoming more painful. Looking around the room, my eyes wander to avoid everything but Lake’s face, finally landing on Lucifer atop his dog bed before continuing.

“The next thing I knew, I was backing away from his body, knowing I had fucked up. I’d lost control. I killed my father with my own brutal hands. By the time I was done with him, I couldn’t make out any features in his face. His skull was a mess of shattered bones, blood, and brain matter.” I pause, briefly stuck back in that moment. The time I became a true monster.

“It takes a monster to destroy a monster.” I stop again, reflecting on this huge turning point in my life. I don’t continue until I feel Lake’s gentle hand squeezing mine.

“I called a friend, asking him for hisconnection,without any context, of course.He gave me Enzo’s number, and Enzo came to help clean up the mess,mymess. He must have been impressed with my passion, or maybe it was that I was now indebted to him because he asked me to come and work with him.

“It turns out, Mom was only unconscious after everything. When she finally woke from her coma a couple of days later, and I could visit her in hospital, I told her what had happened. She got angry atmeand said she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Pretty much kicked my ass to the curb.

“Thankfully, Enzo helped me get on my feet and set me up. I owe everything, my entire life, to Enzo.” I rub Lake’s hand with my thumb.

“And that’s why you don’t drink?” she asks gently, such an observant and switched-on woman.

“Correct, I never want to lose control again. I don’t drink if I can help it. It’s also why I don’t take drugs,” I reply. Sensingher move, I look up to meet her gaze, and she is nodding slowly. “But, Lake. You make me feel like I could lose control. Not toward you but to anyone who would ever dare do you wrong. Like I said before, you are like a fucking drug to me, and I’m like a goddamn junkie, anxious to get their next fix. You and your beautiful mind and damn sexy body consume me.”

“How many people have you actually killed?” she asks in a whisper.

I think about it for a moment, looking down at my hands, rubbing them together as though I’m washing them with invisible soap and water. I’m not sure if it’s something she really wants to know, but I’m all about honesty. I just hope she doesn’t hate me for it.

“I’ve killed about a dozen people,” I start. “But my own father was the first person I killed. The first person ever, and the first and only person I’ve killed using only my bare hands because I lost control. With every other person, I had been in complete control.” I don’t feel any emotion toward anyone I’ve killed except the anger and hatred I felt while caving my dad’s face in with my fists. I don’t know what Lake is thinking or feeling, but I wouldn’t blame her for hating or being disgusted with me. Heck, I wouldn’t blame her if she turns and runs the other way, never to be seen again.

“Blaze, I trust you would never actually hurt me, even if we do end up playing a bit kinky. I trust you with my life,” she says as she stands, circles my neck in her arms, and plants a kiss on my head. I stand, too, scooping her ass in my hands. She wraps her legs around my waist, and I hold her up, walking back to the bedroom. She eyes me closely, tilting her head, questioning me with her green orbs.

“Sorry, not this time, Siren. I need to get dressed. We have a property to go look at.”

Chapter Eighteen

Lake

Blaze takes my hand and brings it to his mouth when I pull up outside his apartment building again. “Message me when you get home?” he asks, giving the back of my hand a gentle kiss.

I nod.

I can’t wait to get back home to tell Dad all about the property. It was perfect. It was just one large room, spacious enough to hold everything I want but small enough to keep the bar intimate. I knew I had to have the space, so I gave the sales agent my offer right there on the spot. I have so many creative ideas and aspirations for this bar, and I can see them all coming together, especially now I’ve viewed the property in person.

Pulling into our driveway, I let out a groan when I recognize Massimo’s car out the front. Nothing kills morale faster than him being around.

Absolute mood killer.

Once I’ve parked the car, I pull my cell phone out to text Blaze. At first, I can’t find his name or number, so I scroll through my contacts more slowly.

That deviant saved his number under the name ‘Hungry Beast.’ I let out a loud chuckle before changing it to his actual name. It’s amazing how he can make me smile and feel things even when he is on the other side of the city.

Deciding to omit the fact that Massimo is here, I let him know that I’m home. There’s no need to get Blaze all charged and angered. He’d race over here unnecessarily if he knew. Surely, whatever he said to Massimo the night we went out will keep him in line.

L:Home safe. Thanks again for today x

“Hey,Bella, how’d you go?” Dad calls out from the kitchen as I enter the house. Not even feeling remotely ready to face Massimo, I mentally pull up my big girl panties. The thought reminds me that I’m still wearing Blaze’s boxers.

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