Page 54 of Spider

“I made it by stealing my pimp’s money, after I was forced to suck dick and fuck his clients!” she snaps. “You ever been held down while a man twice your age fucks you in the ass? So roughly you bleed, and no matter how much you protest, no matter how much you beg, they still continue because those sick fucks get off on it?” she sobs. Reaching up, she angrily wipes her tears. “But no, you are right. I fucking made it all the same as if I went to college.” She lets out a cynical laugh. “I was on my own. I had no one. You had each other. You could have just got on with your life, but instead, you decided to destroy mine.” She sniffs.

“Tell her!” I snap. Both of them look at me, and Acid immediately shakes his head no. “Fucking tell her! Tell her what that sick son of a bitch did to you. Tell her how every minute of every fucking day you have punished yourself thinking that you had accidently killed your sister! Fucking tell her!” I roar.

Acid holds his head in his hands. “Nash?” Nova whispers, sniffing and wiping her tears away.

“Fuck,” Acid sighs. “I know how it feels,” he grits out as he looks up at a confused Nova. “I know how it feels to be pinned down and fucked until you bleed. Too weak and too small to fight them off,” Acid rasps, his voice breaking. “I don’t regret burning the house to the ground. The only thing I had regret over was the thought that you were in there with them. They deserved tosuffer. They deserved to burn alive,” Acid spits out as anger and emotion rips through him.

“I, I didn’t know,” Nova whispers. “Maybe Mom didn’t know,” she suggests.

Acid laughs. “She knew. She fucking knew, and she chose to do nothing about it. She just continued to pump her body full of fucking drugs and block out what was happening, while I had to continue to live through it!” he snaps.

I place my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. I know how hard it was to talk about. He’s told no one; no one but me.

“I need to get out of here,” Nova says, anxiously. “I need fresh air to clear my head,” she adds as she paces back and forth.

“Back yard,” I say, pointing to the door.

She shakes her head. “I need to get away from here.”

“That ain’t happening, sweetheart,” I say softly. Reaching out, I trail my fingertips down her arm.

“Stay away from me,” she snaps, flinching away from me. “I can’t deal with you right now.” She turns away and storms through the house, disappearing out into the back yard.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

NOVA

Standing on his back deck,I feel like my whole world has shifted beneath me. My entire messed up life was caused by my brother and the man I’ve fallen in love with. I don’t know what to do, or what to think. Hearing Nash say what our stepfather did to him broke my heart. I wanted to hold him in that moment, but anger, so much anger flows through my body at what he and Spider had done. I hear the door open behind me and turn to see Spider holding out a warm cup of tea.

“Thought you might want this,” he says, offering it.

I take it from him. “Thanks,” I mutter.

He stands next to me, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Look, be angry at me all you want, but don’t punish him.” I look at him and see his green eyes full of sadness and pain. “We were fucked up kids. For years he suffered abuse. He wanted payback, and he needed that. He assumed you had been put into care.” He sighs. “There is a reason your brother and I bonded; to live through that, to have your childhood stolen from you in that fucking way, it’s something you never overcome, but if you can make the pain go away, even if it’s for a minute while watching your abuser burn to death, then it’s fucking worth it,” he states. He looks away, and I see his jaw is gritted tight as he fights hisemotions. “He has been punished enough for thinking he had killed you in that house. He thought you were dead all this time, and he thought he had killed his baby sister. He kept that to himself, tortured himself for it. Be angry at me. Fucking hate me if it means you forgive him.”

“I don’t hate him,” I whisper.

He nods. “Good.” He pauses. “You can leave here as soon as we’ve taken care of Dean,” he says before he turns to walk back inside.

“Luca,” I call. He turns and looks at me over his shoulder. “Would you have told me if you didn’t have to?” I ask.

He sighs. “Eventually. The guilt would have destroyed me, but I would have kept it a secret until you fell in love with me. Then I would pray. I would pray so fucking hard that you loved me enough to forgive me.” He watches me, his green eyes piercing my soul.

I open my mouth, wanting to tell him that I love him, but I don’t. I’m unsure if I love him enough to forgive him.

I stay out on the deck until the sun begins to set. I’m grateful that they’ve left me alone. I’ve sat in the chair staring out into the garden, thinking everything over, replaying my life, replaying the times I remember with Nash at home. How he would play with me, feed me, brush my hair, help me with my shoes… He never left my side. He sheltered me from a lot of what was happening until he could take no more. It makes me think of Dean and how much longer I could have taken it until I finally snapped. If I hadn’t gotten away when I did, would I have done the same?

The door creeks open and Nash walks out. “I’m going to head off. When you’re ready to talk to me, or if you even want to talk, then just get Spider to call me,” he says before turning to walk back inside.

“Nash,” I state. He stops, turning to face me. I jump up from my chair and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms instantly wrap tightly around me, hugging me back. “I’m sorry,” I sob.

He squeezes me tighter. “You never need to be sorry,” he chokes out. I loosen my hold and look up at him, seeing his eyes are red as he fights back the emotion. “I caused you pain. I was the reason you found Dean. There won’t be a day that I won’t feel responsible for that. I won’t ever forgive myself for it,” he states.

“We both lived through hell, and not because of each other, but because of our parents. I don’t think I was ever angry at you, but the situation in which it created. I understand why you did what you did. I think that if I didn’t get away when I did, I would have done something similar with Dean,” I admit.

Nash kisses the top of my head and pulls me back into his hold. We stand there for a moment, just holding each other. Years have gone by where we both would have needed this love and support from a sibling. When your life fails you, when your parents fail you, it’s your siblings that can be the ones that hold you when no one else will, to comfort you when you’re alone, making even the shittiest of lives feel that little bit better.

Nash releases his hold on me. Taking a step back, he slides his hands into his pockets. “No one knows the abuse,” he states, his eyes pleading with me.

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