Page 59 of Tiers of Joy

“No way?!” She gasps

I tell her about the rest of the night and about the note I woke up to.

“Well any ideas Sherlock?” I ask.

“None. I mean if he wanted to confess his undying love for you he had perfect opportunity by the toilets with that hot kiss and then again either last night or this morning. He could have stayed and woken you up with a romantic breakfast in bed. I'm sorry Watson, I just don’t get it.” She sighs.

“Arggh! I thought it was us women who were supposed to head fuck the guys, not the other way around.” I state, frustrated.

“Maybe he’s just one of those guys that doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either? Or maybe he's planning something romantic and will come back today or tomorrow and surprise you?!” She swoons down the phone.

“I doubt it. Look, I'm going to go. You should know, I'm going to scatter Jay’s ashes tomorrow.” I inform her.

“Wow, are you sure you’re going to be okay?” She asks.

I sigh.

“Yeah, it’s time. There’s this spot down on the front where the boats dock. It’s stunning. We are where we wanted to be and I think he would be happy with that. I'm going to go at sunrise tomorrow.” I tell her.

“I think he would like it too.” She says sadly. “Call me if you need me, okay?” She adds.

“I will, love ya.” I say before disconnecting.

I decide to go and have a long shower and wash away the hangover. I don’t plan on going anywhere or seeing anyone over these next couple of days. My focus is on finally saying goodbye to Jay and moving forward.

I thought I would struggle to fall asleep tonight but I didn’t. I smile to myself.

“It’s the right time.”

My alarm wakes me and it’s still dark out. I get changed and grab my truck keys and pick up Jay’s urn. I head out to the truck and drive down to the docks.

I get out and shiver at the freezing cold morning air. I walk down to the bench where I’ve sat a few times.

I take a seat with the urn in my hands.

“Well, this is our final goodbye. I know people thought your death or your funeral was the final goodbye but I still had you with me after that. I am finally moving forward. I’m learning to live my life without you. I’m finally used to not talking to you like you’re still there with me. I know I'm doing it now, but this is different, this is goodbye forever. I will still think about you, I will still love you and hold you in my heart, but it’s time for me to let you go. I should have done it a while ago, but I just wasn’t ready.” I sniff and wipe away my tears.

“Be free Jay, wherever you are. Be happy. I will love you forever and always.” I say sobbing.

I open the urn and tip it, shaking his ashes into the sea. A gust of wind catches and blows his ashes back into my face.

“Fuck!” I screech and splutter, wiping my face. “Son of a bitch.”

I spit and hold out my tongue, desperately wiping it with my hand.

“Esme?” I hear a deep voice call. Of course I would bump into him now.

I turn with my tongue still hanging out.

“Uh, you okay?” He asks.

I quickly put my tongue back in my mouth.

“Yes. Fine thank you.” I smile.

He looks me up and down and smirks.

“Erm, you have, um, I'm guessing it’s Jay, all in your hair.” He points.

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