Page 51 of Tiers of Joy

“Okay. Firstly, did you use protection? Because otherwise you’re likely to have little baby lumberjacks running around the place.” She asks.

“Yeah I still have the implant, never got it taken out. I have another year in it I think. We used condom at the start but then I told him I was clean and covered.” I answer.

“Okay good. So now for the emotionally traumatised side of it. Here’s what I think: I think he has feelings for you but you made it clear that it was just for one night. You’ve said you're not ready for a relationship and he’s seen that first hand. Men are very literal beings Esme. You both had one amazing night together and he’s taken that. I'm guessing he’s wanted it for a while so he would’ve taken whatever you offered him. You didn’t realise your feelings were growing for lumberjack and now after last night they’ve blossomed. Now he’s gone back to his woman to make a go of it with her because he doesn’t think you want him, or any relationship for that matter. He can't wait around forever, especially when he has feelings for you. It’s got to hurt.” She states.

I sigh and face plant my pillow.

“Esme, answer me this, when was the last time you spoke to Jay?” She asks.

I pause and think.

“His anniversary.” I answer.

“So the entire time you were with Gaige you didn’t speak to him? Doesn’t that tell you something?! You're ready to start dating! Of course you love Jay but there is room for you to start over. My advice is run like a crazy bitch chasing down Christian Grey and tell him before it’s too late.” She states.

“My god, you're right.” I whisper.

“I have to go!” I disconnect and grab the keys. I run out in search of Gaige. I ask Nellie if she's seen Gaige and she says she saw him about twenty minutes ago and he was heading to the Sunken Ship. I run as fast as I can and slip over a lot.

I see the pub lights up ahead and I spot his truck. I smile. I reach for the door and swing it open. I’m panting.

I walk in and search for Gaige. I spot him and walk to him.

I watch as he laughs and then leans down and kisses Amy. I freeze. Can I tell him how I feel? Can I tell him that I'm sort of ready to see how things go? Even though I can't guarantee it will work out because I'm a mess of a human? He has a chance of happiness with Amy; she can give him everything without holding back anything.

I turn quickly so he doesn’t see me and walk straight into Eloise carrying a tray of food. I end up absolutely covered in food and then slip over on some soup.

“Fuck!” I yell.

Gaige stands over me.

“You okay Esme?” He asks, his lips twitching.

“Perfect.” I mutter as he helps me up.

“Oh Gosh Esme, I'm so sorry. You’re not hurt are you?” Eloise asks.

“Not physically.” I mumble.

“What?” She asks.

“What?” I ask back.

“My mistake, no problem at all. I shall just be going.” I step back and slip a little. Gaige’s hand shoots out to try and steady me.

“I’m fine thank you.” I reassure.

“Why did you run in here like that?” Eloise asks.

Thanks for bringing that to everyone’s attention Eloise.

“I, err, um, wanted to ask Gaige if I’d left my keys at his. But look ha-ha silly me, here they are. Okay then. Bye bye now.” I say while jingling the keys in my hand.

God I wish the ground would swallow me up. I walk out as quick as I can and head back home. I feel so deflated.

I stop by the grocery store and buy the biggest tub of ice cream I can find and a bottle of wine.

“Oh! It looks like you’ve had a fight with a buffet table.” Eric so kindly points out.

---