Page 34 of Tiers of Joy

“Amy is not a tart. Don’t go throwing shit at people who are happy together just because you're still in love with your dead husband. You’ll forever be widowed and fucking lonely.” He yells.

I jolt back, feeling the mental slap of his words. I feel the other shoppers and the staff member’s eyes on me. I swallow back my emotion.

“You're right, I'm sorry. Congratulations on being happy.” I mumble. I walk away leaving the trolly and everyone standing around. As soon as I'm outside I practically sprint to the truck. I see Gaige come running out shouting my name. He's too late. I put my foot down and get out of there as quick as I can.

I drive and drive until I see a place to park up. I break and let the tears fall.

He is right, I have no one. I have no friends, no family. What am I even still doing here? This wasn’t my dream; this pain wasn’t my dream. What the hell have I done to deserve all of this shit being thrown at me?!

“What happened to you being here with me Jay? Huh?! It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I could face all of this if you were by my side. I don’t know how much more I can take.” I sob.

There is a tap at the window and I jump and scream. Gaige is standing there. I immediately go to start the engine to drive off but Gaige is one step ahead of me. He rips open the door and snatches the key.

“Gaige I'm not in the mood, okay? You’ve made your point now please just leave me alone.” I beg.

He reaches forward and cups my face, wiping the tears with his thumb.

“I didn’t mean what I said back there. I was angry and I should never have said it.” He says.

I refuse to admit how comforting his hand on my face is. I refuse to admit that I want nothing more than to hug him. I won’t let myself. I pull my face back and hold out my hands for the keys.

“Esme, I am so sorry, I really am.” He apologises.

“Okay, can I have the keys now? I need to get the truck back to Bob.” I ask, not looking at him.

He sighs and hands me the keys and steps back. I slam the door shut and drive off, leaving him.

As soon as I get back I tell Bob I'm sorry I couldn’t get his stuff and that he can go home early.

“You sure you're okay Esme?” He asks.

“Yeah I'm fine Bob, just feeling a bit under the weather.” I give him the best smile I can muster.

He nods but I know he’s not buying a word of it. It doesn’t matter, the whole town are probably gossiping about it by now anyway. Well I suppose I don’t have to worry about telling anyone about Jay now. Gaige saw to that for me.

I climb straight into bed and cry myself to sleep. I call Bob the next morning and tell him to take a break for a while. I just want to be on my own. Sally tries calling me several times but I just ignore her. I sleep, eat, and nothing else. There’s been knocks at the door but I've ignored them.

After a few days I answer Sally’s call and she gives me an ear bashing for worrying her sick. I break down and tell her what happened.

“That motherfucker! That’s it, I'm looking for a Canadian hit man.” She fumes down the phone.

“I will be okay. He’s just the one person I trusted enough to tell. I thought of him as a friend and he goes and says something like that to me. It hurt a lot but I know he's right. I’m a lonely widow who still loves her dead husband and maybe I’ll be that way forever. What if this is it for me Sally? They say you only get one true love, what if I'm alone for the rest of my life?” I sob.

“I swear I'm going to hunt that bastard down myself for setting you back like this. I promise you that one true love bullshit is a lie. We’re all destined to fall in love. Sometimes it’s more than once, other times it’s just one person. Esme you’re twenty-three and beautiful inside and out. You will not be lonely forever. Mark my words, Gaige has feelings for you. That’s why he distanced himself and that’s why he said such spiteful things. He is jealous of Jay.” She states.

“How can someone be jealous of a dead man?” I ask.

“Because he’s not dead to you. He’s still very much a part of your heart. Gaige wants your heart and seeing it belong to someone else is probably torture for him.” She sighs.

“I think you're reading far too much into it. He is happy with this Amy. I just think he's a bit of an arsehole.” I state.

Sally snorts.

“Okay, have it your way, he's a bit of an arsehole. You going to be okay?” She asks.

“Yeah, I will be in the end.” I answer honestly.

“Okay babe. I love ya.”

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