Page 117 of Tiers of Joy

“See Mary! This is why it’s the best bakery in town. Not only does she make a decent cake but you get a show with your purchase, and what a show it is!” An elderly customer sighs behind us.

“Seriously? Have you started an elderly club here or something because every time I come in here they are here, just waiting!” Gaige whispers. “It’s like they’re hunting me.” He shudders.

I giggle. “Ladies, back off. You’re starting to scare my man.” I warn jokingly.

“Don’t mind us. We live in a small town where there isn’t much action. Since you’ve moved to town you’ve brought us plenty of action. Not to mention drawn our attention to this fine hunk of a man.” She states.

“Woah, easy lady.” Gaige jumps. “She just pinched my ass!” He says, clearly stunned.

“Right, that’s it! No touching my man. He’s not a piece of meat for you to ogle over. Go on, go home. Maybe watch some Netflix and watch 365 DNI. You might leave my man alone then.” I laugh.

The elderly lady hands me her notebook and pen.

“Could you just write that down for me.” She winks.

I laugh and shake my head. She is relentless!

I hand her back the notebook and she smile and gives Gaige a little wave over her shoulder as she leaves.

“What is it with the elderly ladies of this town?” Gaige asks. “They weren’t like this before.” He states.

“That was before the town saw you with Esme and before they heard about you in your yard.” Amy mutters the last part under her breath.

“Oh my god. Nellie told the whole town we were shagging in the garden!” I screech.

“Well, she didn’t tell us that.” Amy points out.

“She just said you were naked and Gaige was shirtless and doing up his jeans. Doesn’t mean you were shagging. You could have been doing some gardening or maybe sitting for a painting.” Amy adds.

I stare blankly at her.

“I’m going over there right now to give her a piece of my mind.” I state. I storm out and walk down to the grocery store.

I storm in calling her name.

“Nellie!” I yell. “Nellie!” I call out again.

“Oh hello Esme. How are you feeling?” Eric asks.

“Great Eric, thanks. Nellie!” I yell again.

“Great, great. It’s good that you’re not letting go of the horizontal jog.” Eric winks.

“Err, sorry, what are you saying Eric?” I ask.

“You know, bumping uglies, mattress dancing, threading the needle, marinating the loin, playing hide the cannoli…” Eric lists on.

I hold up my hand.

“Are you talking about sex Eric?” I ask bluntly.

“Yes.” He nods.

“Ah, I’m not really sure what to say to that. Umm, thanks?” I try to answer but it’s more like a question.

Finally Nellie appears. As soon as she sees me she starts to turn around.

“No you don’t Nellie. I will drag your behind back here if you take one more step.” I threaten.

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