Page 9 of Tiers of Joy

She doesn’t let me down. She turns up with two bottles of wine, a box of tissues, and a bag full of chocolate.

I'm sitting on my bed as Sally pulls Jay’s clothes from the wardrobe.

“No not that. It was his favourite hoodie.” I yell, jumping off of the bed and snatching it out of her hands and putting it on.

“You don’t have to wear it. It’s August and it’s twenty-nine degrees! I'm not about to rugby tackle it from you.” She states.

I take it off and fold it, placing in the keep pile.

Sally keeps pulling out items of clothing and I keep taking them. Come the end and the keep pile is bigger than the donations pile.

“Esme, the only thing in the donation pile is Jay’s hideous Christmas jumper from his aunt, and his ‘Where's Wally’ costume from Halloween. You need to give some of that away.” She says pointing the pile of clothes.

I look to the pile and look back at her.

“I can wear his t-shirts and hoodies.” I state.

She sighs and shakes her head.

“You can. However you can't wear his jeans and trousers.” She points out.

Sulking I hand her the jeans and trousers.

“Now pass me his trainers and shoes.” She holds out her hand.

“But.” I start to protest but Sally just shakes her head.

“You’re not going to be wearing them! He was five shoes sizes bigger than you.” She laughs.

I nibble on my thumb and shrug, refusing to admit that she's right.

“Now pick two t-shirts and two hoodies that you want to keep. The rest will go to the charity shop. I will not let you take more than that. I can't have my best friend moving to a new country wearing men’s clothes.” She holds out her hand, waiting for them.

I pick the ones I want, Jay’s favourites, and hand her the rest. I stare at the bare space in the wardrobe and sniffle, trying to hold back my tears. Sally moves towards me and holds me in her arms.

“It feels like we’re erasing him from my life.” I cry.

“Oh hun, we could never do that. This isn’t Jay; these are just his belongings. He will forever be in your heart. You're keeping the important things of his. Jay could never be erased; he was far too loud and annoying to let anyone forget him.” She smiles.

I wipe my tears and smile, nodding. I know she’s right.

We sort through all of Jay’s belongings and stack them by the front door ready to take to the charity shop. There’s just two black sacks and two boxes. That’s it. That’s all there is to show for his life.

Sally helps me box up the pictures and things I want to take with me.

After a long day and night going through the whole house, it looks bare.

“You know we could have done this in like a months time. Are you sure you're going to be okay living like this until everything is finalised?” She asks, her voice echoing around the empty room.

“Yeah, I will be just fine.” I smile.

Chapter Three

It took nearly three months to get all of the paperwork sorted and finalise the sale. Today is the day I’m flying out. I paid extra so I could take three suitcases. My life is all packed away, ready to take with me.

The butterflies swamp my belly. I feel sick with nerves while I’m waiting for Sally to pick me up to take me to the airport.

“Well this is it Jay, I'm doing it. God I wish you could hold me right now, you’d keep me calm.” I say to the empty house.

---