Page 2 of Tiers of Joy

“I'm dreadfully sorry Mr Tucker, you have cancer.” He says sympathetically.

I stop breathing. Cancer. He has cancer. I feel my body start to shake.

“When can I start treatment?” Jay asks, his voice gravelly.

His grip on my hand tightens. We both look at the doctor, waiting for a response.

“I'm sorry Mr Tucker, it’s terminal. We suspect that it started in your liver, but it has spread to your stomach and other organs.”

“No. You’ve made a mistake, he's only twenty-three. You must have picked up someone else’s file. He has his whole life ahead of him. We’re moving to Nova Scotia to live our dream. No, this isn’t right. There’s been a mix up, check your files!” I demand.

“I'm sorry Mrs Tucker. I have the correct file, there has been no mix up. Now Mr Tucker, while we can't give you treatment to prolong your life, we can give you medication so you can live as comfortably as possible.” He states.

I sob, the pain in my chest makes it hard to breath.

“How long do I have?” Jay asks.

The doctor sighs.

“I'm afraid maybe a few months at most.”

Jay lets go of my hand and puts his face in his hands. I jump up and wrap my arms around him, holding him tight.

Chapter One

It has been nine weeks since we were told the news that Jay has cancer. It’s been nine weeks of helplessly watching the man I love, my world, slowly and painfully dying. Jay insisted on going into a hospice. He said I shouldn’t have to take care of him and see him this way. I refused. I wanted him here at home with me; I wasn’t losing a minute with him. I’m his wife. I will never leave his side, I will be the one to care for him.

I’m sitting downstairs in our little house, staring out of the patio doors. The community nurse is upstairs with him. She’s giving him his pain medication and checking him over.

Our old school friend Sally brings me a cup of tea.

“Thanks.” I mutter.

I've lost count of how many cups of tea people have made me. It’s like they think it’s going to magically make this all okay. This will never be okay.

“I'm going to the supermarket; do you need me to get you anything?” She ask softly.

“No, I'm good.” I answer numbly.

“You need to eat Esme. Your cupboards and fridge are bare. When was the last time you ate something?” She asks.

I don’t answer, I just shrug.

She sighs.

“I will get you some food at the shop.” She squeezes my shoulder and then leaves.

I wait for the nurse to leave, anxious that I'm not with Jay. I'm scared every moment I'm not with him. I don’t want him to die without me there. He can't be alone, he needs to hold my hand. I don’t want him to be scared.

“Mrs Tucker?” The nurse calls as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, I snap out of my thoughts and wipe away the tears that were falling.

“Yes, sorry.” I apologise and force a smile.

“He's comfortable now. His blood pressure has dropped and his breathing has slowed. I'm sorry, I don’t think he has long left. Do you want me to stay? I’m technically off shift from now, but this part can be distressing and I’d understand if you didn’t want to watch.” She says softly.

I shake my head.

“No, I want to be with him.”

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