Page 175 of Take My Hand

According to Theo, she’d been just a foot from safety, almost across the line, when the train hit her. The poor driver had tried to put the brakes on but hadn’t been able to stop in time. He must have been in a real state, no one expects something so tragic to happen when they go off to work in the morning.

“You want a glass of water or something?” I asked when she finally calmed down.

“No,” she said shaking her head. “I don’t want anything.”

“Do you want me to call Emma for you?” Theo said he was going to call Emma and Liv’s parents. I didn’t envy him one little bit. No brother, or parent should have to do that.

“Yes,” she murmured, swiping her hand across face. “And Liv. I want to see them.” She took a deep breath. “Zak, I need to call Zak.”

“Maya’s calling him for you.”

She looked up at me with tears brimming at her lashes, and she looked just like she used to when she was upset as a little girl. All big eyes and snotty nose. I wanted so much to be everything she needed but I was aware that times were changing, and I was no longer her whole world.

“He’ll be here soon, Mads.”

She nodded against my chest and curled in closer and that’s how we stayed until Zak turned up. The one thing that made me feel better was that she didn’t let go of me immediately when he walked in. She hugged me tighter for another minute or so and then slipped onto his knee, so I left them alone as for the first time, Zak took my place.

Chapter Sixty-Three

Maddy

Emma was curled against Liam’s side while holding Liv’s hand, and I clung to Zak as he held me tight in his lap.

“Do you need anything?” he whispered, stroking my hair.

“No, thank you.” I swallowed back the sob that was constantly on the edge of breaking out of my chest.

We were all devastated. It felt like that we’d cried so much that there were no more tears to shed. It was like we were all in limbo, without any clue what to do or say. We hadn’t even spoken about her. Not mentioned her name or what happened, we’d simply sat in a state of disbelief and grief.

Then Liv suddenly spoke, breaking the silence. “You know, we actually need Ana here.”

I gasped and lifted my head from Zak’s chest. “What?”

“We need Ana. She would break this awful, shitty silence. She would be talking about what happened and saying how fucking stupid she was for going over the track when we know you justdon’t do that. She’d be talking non-stop and telling us that we should just get pissed and deal with it.”

I narrowed my eyes on her. “But she isn’t, Liv, is she?”

As my body tensed, one of Zak’s hands smoothed up and down my thigh, while his other moved in between my shoulder blades. His touch would normally calm me, but all it did was add to my irritation as I stared at Liv.

“Liv, how can you be so insensitive?”

“I think she’s?—”

“No, Zak.” I didn’t even look at him. “What she said is wrong. She can’t talk about Ana like that.”

“Maddy.” Emma sat up and pushed away from Liam. With one hand still tethered to Liv, she reached for me with her other one. “What Liv says is right; you know it is. Ana would be the one doing all the talking and encouraging us to as well. You know she would.”

“Doesn’t mean we should say that, though.” My chest felt tight as I thought about my best friend. “It’s disrespectful. It’s not right. She’s not here and…” I started to breathe heavily as pressure built up inside me, culminating in a huge ball of sorrow in my throat.

“Hey, babe, take a deep breath,” Zak coaxed.

I shrugged him off and stood up. “And you don’t care either.” I swung around to face him. “You were the one who told me to leave her. “You said she’d be okay, and, and—” my hands clenched into fists as I produced more tears from somewhere— “and she wasn’t, Zak. She fucking died.” Zak’s expression looked like I’d accused him of killing Ana. His face had lost all its colour as he sagged back, dropping his hands either side of his thighs.

“Maddy,” Liam snapped. “There’s no need.”

I couldn’t even look at him. I didn’t want to look at him or anyone else, all I wanted to do was talk to Ana. To find out that it had all be a huge mistake. That they’d got the wrong person.

“Mads,” Emma said tentatively.

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