Page 115 of Take My Hand

“I’m fine, sweetheart.” My lips went to her hair, and I breathed her in, using her as my support to stop me from falling to my knees. “I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry, Will. I really am. I didn’t want to have to tell you, especially as…”

His gaze finally showed me an emotion. It was pain. He truly felt sorry for the life I’d led. There wasn’t just pain in his eyes, but truth, too.

“I argued with her until I was blue in the face,” he continued. “But she said it wouldn’t be fair on you, especially if I disappeared out of your life again.” He inhaled slowly and then just as slowly let it out. “And she was right. I’d left my wife and son twice at that point. Had an affair with another woman and was barely holding down my business. She made the right choice, Will. You were her priority, and she made entirely the right choice.”

Somehow that didn’t make it any better. It didn’t make the years of loneliness, sadness and insecurity go away. Only one person had done that, and she was currently hugging me tight. It wasn’t the words of a man who should never have waited for five years to decide to be my dad, and then another thirty-two to try again.

“How many times did you ask her?” Nausea enveloped me. I already knew the answer.

“Well, erm, the one time. Like I said, I argued with her, but she was adamant.” He shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t understand the question.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I wondered if I should let the past go. Was holding onto it stopping me from moving on properly? Had I pushed relationships to one side just because my childhood was clogging up the cracks that would let the light in. What if I could have been settled a long time ago? But then I wouldn’t have met Maya, and life without her was incomprehensible.

“I commend you for your one attempt at being in my life, well two if you count this time, but it changes nothing.” My tone was steady. I was determined not to show how much his admission had affected me. “I have nothing to say to you.”

Finally, his shoulders dropped in defeat, and he nodded. “Okay, I can’t say I understand, but I accept your decision…” Relief flooded me until he said, “For now. But I did try, and I’ve regretted leaving you behind all of your life.”

“Good to know.” I stood to one side, letting him walk past me, trying to ignore the pull of wanting to grab his arm. It wasn’t a real reaction it was just a by-product of my empty days of childhood.

“I’ll be back, William,” he said as he reached the front door, using my full name his final act of defiance.

As the door closed behind him, I exhaled like a week old balloon, sagging at my knees. Maddy was there, though, holding me up.

“Are you okay, Dad?” she asked softly.

“I think so.” Resting my cheek on the top of her head, I watched through the glass panel of the front door. We stayed there until way after the red rear lights of the car disappeared out of sight. “I don’t know what to do,” I finally whispered.

Maddy gave me a squeeze and said quietly. “You’ll do the right thing, Dad, but in the meantime call Maya. She’ll help you.”

“Why not you?” I questioned, curious.

She blew out a breath and said, “Because what I want isn’t important.”

As I wrapped my arms tighter around her, I knew I’d done a good job. With or without a father to guide me, I’d created a bloody amazing child.

Chapter Forty-One

Maddy

“She’s not going to tell us anything, you know,” Emma grumbled as we walked towards Ana’s house. “She’s just going to tell us to fuck off.”

“Maybe, but Dad said we need to talk to her.”

“And he said she was doing thefoodshopping?”

“Yes, Emma,” I replied, exasperated that she’d asked me the same question about a million and ten times. Shaking my head in frustration, I glanced over my shoulder at her. “Can you go any slower?”

“Yes, sure if you want me to.”

She would as well, if I let her. “Come on, hurry up, we need to talk to her before her mum and dad get home.”

Ana’s parents ran a martial arts school but always took Saturday afternoon’s off. It was the only time they were off together and so we had a window of about an hour to talk to Ana. All because Emma took ages to decide what to wear to talk to our friend about her recent hammered state at school.

A few minutes later, we approached Ana’s house, and we both pulled up and stared.

“What the hell!”

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