Page 84 of The Final Beat

I practically deflated in front of him. “Come in.” I stood to one side to let him. “What are you doing here? You do know I’m leaving in a couple of hours?”

“That’s why I’m here,” he said, walking towards the lounge. “We weren’t happy about you getting a car to the airport. I drew the short straw.”

“None of you needed to draw any straws,” I grumbled, following him. “I’m perfectly fine with the car service. I can travel in silence if I want to.”

Making himself at home on my sofa, I took the armchair opposite and stretched my legs out in front of me.

“I really don’t need you to take me.”

“I know you don’tneedme to, but we thought you’d like it.” He grinned, knowing full well that I wouldn’t like it one bit.

“You’re a bunch of tossers.” I dropped my head back and looked up at the ceiling before narrowing my gaze on him. “This isn’t about giving me a lift, is it?” He looked away, but I had already spotted the guilt ghosting over his features. “Well?”

It didn’t take much to break him down. “We want to know what’s going on with you and Destiny. It was clear to us that you might have been a little side-swiped by what she said last night.”

“And how did you come to that conclusion?”

“Your face,” he said, his own looking crestfallen. “You looked devastated.”

I thought about lying and telling him that he was mistaken. That I was perfectly happy with Destiny’s plan, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t disrespect us and our feelings by not telling the truth.

“I’m gutted, Ron,” I said, rubbing my face with my hands and groaning. “Absolutely, like a kick to the balls, and a punch to the stomach, gutted.”

“Aww fuck, mate.”

Ronnie got up to come over to me, but I put my hand up.

“Ron, don’t. I’m fine.”

He sat back down. “I’m so sorry, Joe. What happened? What were you expecting to happen?”

“I thought we were going to be together.” I shrugged, still struggling to get my head around Destiny’s decision. “We agreed that we’d see what happened at the end of the eight months, but I knew we wouldn’t sleep around while she was on tour, and I was filming. We didn’t say it, but I knew. It was unspoken.”

Just saying the words made me want to puke. In fact, I hadn’t stopped feeling sick since the restaurant.

“Why did she say what she did, then?” Ronnie asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “If that’s what you agreed, why would she say that?”

“I wish I knew.” I swallowed hard. “I wish I’d known what she was thinking.”

“Have you spoken to her?” Ronnie ran a hand through his hair, looking like he might puke, too. The poor bloke’s level of empathy was beyond anything that most people could stand, yet he had to deal with it all the time and I had no clue how he did.

“We had a row back at her place when I dropped her off. She just wouldn’t see sense.”

“What made her change her mind? Did she say?

“That she can’t give me herself or what I want.” I shook my head. “She’s just scared.”

“What does she mean she can’t give you what you want?” Ronnie frowned. “If she means kids because of her age then it doesn’t matter. You don’t want kids.”

“Initially it was that, but she knows there are things we can do instead. She says it’s her, that she can’t give herself to me. She’s petrified, Ron, has been for years, but I thought I’d managed to show her I wasn’t Vi… him.” I checked myself from giving away her secrets, but Ronnie noticed. I knew he had because his left eye twitched and he sat back in his chair. To his credit, though, he didn’t ask, he just listened. Clearing my throat, I continued, “You know she had a violent relationship before?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it was really violent with long lasting damages, and she’s had these fucking barriers up, scared of any relationship.” I looked down at the floor, the desperation starting to rise again. “I thought I’d persuaded her. I thought she knew she could trust me.” My gaze found Ronnie’s. “I thought she knew I loved her.”

Ronnie’s eyes went wide as he stared at me, clearly shocked. “You love her?”

“Yeah,” I replied, feeling relieved at finally admitting it to someone other than Destiny. “I do.”

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