Page 66 of The Final Beat

“I doubt that Ronnie would do that.” I shook my head, sure, not just doubtful.

“Oh, he would. After everything with Jimmy it’s made him hate men like that even more than he already did.”

“He won’t have to punch him, I promise. Not for being violent anyway. For being a general dick perhaps, but not for hitting me.”

Amber rolled her eyes and smiled. “You like him a lot then?”

“How the hell do you work that out?”

“The little tip of your lips when you called him a general dick. So, come on then,” she patted my knee, “spill the beans. What’s been going on with you two?”

Now it came to it, I wasn’t sure I wanted to ‘spill the beans’. I liked that it was between just the two of us, oh and Laura of course and now Ali. The point was no one in the band knew. Not that I was aware of.

“We started to have sex again after Cassie and Bobby died and, recently, it’s got more often, and more intense.”

She nodded. “And…”

“And what?”

“Do you love him?”

I burst out laughing. It was a ridiculous question, yet it made my skin prickle when I said, “God no.”

Fucking love. As if!

She raised an eyebrow. “Okay, so why have things changed? Why are they more intense?”

“Just because… well, because I’ve been helping him through stuff with his dad.”

“His dad who died?” I nodded. “You’ve helped him in what way?”

I winced. “I went to Italy with him. Twice.”

“Twice?”

“To see his dad before he died and then the funeral.”

Amber gasped. “The guys wanted to go with him, and he said no. He said he wanted to go alone.”

I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. It had certainly surprised her. I guessed it would be a big surprise to everyone.

“I know but he didn’t.”

“I can see why being with him through all of that brought you closer. Loss and the grief that follows is so personal. If he’s turned to you through that then it shows how deep his feelings are.” She tipped her head on one side and grinned. “Maybehelovesyou.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, Amber, he doesn’t. It’s just sex that got intense because he’s dealing with some stuff.”

“Do you want it to end now after tonight?”

I sighed heavily. No, of course I didn’t want it to end. “It already has. We decided it couldn’t go anywhere.”

“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”

“Hey?”

“Do you want it to go somewhere but it can’t because of your history or your working relationship?” she asked. “Or is it won’t because you’re not invested?”

I had no idea what it was about Amber that made my lips loose. “It can’t go any further because I can’t give him anything.”

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