Page 46 of The Final Beat

“Daisy,” I groaned.

She looked up at me and frowned. “What?”

“I need to go. This is…” I swiped at the sweat on my brow and drew in a breath. “It’s making me… fuck.”

Straight away I saw the recognition in her eyes as she looked at me. Swallowing, she nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Without another word she stood up and pulled me from my seat and back towards the huge church doors. When we stepped outside the light was blinding, even though it was a dull day, and I felt my legs wobble as I adjusted to the fresh air and space.

“The car is over there,” Destiny said, holding my hand tightly. “Come on.”

Outside I felt easier, but there was still a want pumping through me, even if it was no longer so insistent. As we got insidethe car and the lock clicked automatically, I felt a little more of it ebb away.

“Back to the airfield, please,” Destiny told the driver.

When the engine started and we began to pull away, only the last vestiges of hunger were pulsing inside of me.

“Are you okay?” she asked, tugging on my hand.

Swallowing back the emotion I grunted out a yes. She clearly didn’t believe me because she pulled me into her side, cupping a hand around my head and holding it against her shoulder.

“You ever tell anyone I did this,” she said, “and I’ll kill you.”

“Do what?” I asked. “Be nice?”

“Yes. Be nice and put your head against my shoulder. Everyone knows I don’t do physical contact.”

I grunted. “You seem to like it with me.”

“Sex is different.”

I raised an eyebrow. She was deluded because I knew our relationship was much more than sex.Sheknew that our relationship was much more than sex, and, at that moment, it pissed me off.

“Why do you do that?” I asked, pulling away from her, giving her a sceptical look.

“What?” Immediately she let go of my hand and frowned at me.

“Pretend like we are nothing.” Frustration, discomfort, and agony were replaced with annoyance. Irrational as it might have been, it was like it was my only way of showing the myriad of emotions that I’d been feeling. They’d all balled up together and were pushing through the pores in my skin.

“And what, exactly, do you thinkweare?” Destiny’s breathing pattern changed. It wasn’t the heaving gasps of passion but anger.

“You’re unbelievable.” I shook my head in disbelief. “You can’t just be honest for once in your life, can you? You have to downplay everything.”

She shrugged. “But we agreed. We said right at the beginning that the sex is great and that is all it would ever be between us. Until it wasn’t and then we’d stop doing it.” She narrowed her eyes. “Is that what you want? To stop doing it?”

The way she pulled her shoulders back and stuck her chin in the air gave an air of indifference and that infuriated me even more.

“What the fuck happened to you?” I snapped. “What made you so hard and impenetrable? What the hell did he do to you?”

I leaned forward and pressed the button for the privacy panel. The driver didn’t need to listen to the argument that was about to explode in the back seat of his town car.

“I’m not talking about this, Joseppi. It has nothing to do with you.”

As I looked at the anger in her eyes, I knew why I wanted her so much. She was fire and anger and passion, and she was perfect. She was a bitch, and she was hard. She had the highest walls I’d ever known, yet I couldn’t help but want more of her. It was getting that I needed her like I used to want drugs. I could feel the cravings beginning to grow with each day. I was an addict, so I knew the signs.

“Why can’t you just admit that you’re scared? That whatever happened in that relationship made you hard.” I took a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure it was violent, Daisy, because of the work you do at the refuge but if it was, let me tell you, I’m not him. I would never, ever hurt you physically.” We were all sure it had been an abusive relationship which had hardened her. She’d not said much but she volunteered with domestic abuse victims, and she’d confided in Amber after her husband Jimmy knockedher around. Amber refused to spill the details, but it all pointed towards a bastard who hit women, who hither.

Destiny scoffed. “Yet, you can’t promise you won’t hurt me mentally, though, can you?”

---