Page 6 of The First Chord

Walking alongside Ronnie, I felt like a teenage girl with her first crush. Each time our fingers brushed against each other’s it took every ounce of control that I had in me not to let them link. My veins burned with fire and excitement. As for the grin which was plastered on my face, it was making my cheeks ache.

“You should have made him get his own painkillers,” Ronnie grumbled as we left the pharmacy, stepping back into the blazing sunshine.

I didn’t have any inclination to argue the case for Jimmy, because I agreed with Ronnie. He should be the one shopping in the heat, but at least it gave me some time away from him. There was no way that I’d say that to Ronnie, though, I had a little bit of loyalty still, unlike Jimmy. He was clearly past the love, honour, and obey stage of our relationship.

“Does he sleep with a lot of women?” I blurted out, rubbing at the knot in my chest. The love may not have been there as it used to be, but it didn’t mean I wanted to be made a fool of or didn’t have a tiny pool of jealousy settled in my stomach.

Ronnie stiffened next to me as we continued to walk. “You can be honest,” I breathed out, gripping my paper bag of pills tight.

“Amber, I don’t…” Ronnie groaned and pulled to a stop.

Facing him I bit down on my lip, knowing that I’d asked too much of him. It was my stupid pride. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to do that. It’s just—”

“Hey,” he said, placing a warm hand on my bare arm. “It’s okay. I understand why you asked, it’s just, well it’s just…” He grabbed his cap from head and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit. It’s not that I feel any loyalty to him, but I do to you, and I don’t want you to be hurt.”

I couldn’t see his pale blue eyes behind his sunglasses, but I knew in my gut that they’d be showing sympathy. That was Ronnie. Empathetic to the point that he shared the pain. Even not knowing him for long, I knew at least that much about him.

“Honestly, Ronnie, let’s just leave it.” I sighed heavily and shook my head. “I don’t need you to say the words because I know deep down.”

Ronnie replaced his cap and straightened it before placing his hands on both my shoulders. “If you really want to talk about it, we can, but I think maybe when you’re not feeling so pissed off that he’s hungover and has you running around after him.” He exhaled slowly. “Then maybe if you still want to know, ask someone else.”

Blinking, I took a step back. “Not you?”

My heart thumped rapidly, wondering why he was saying that. Was he lying? Did he really want to stay loyal to Jimmy, bro code and all that crap?

“You don’t want to snitch on your friend, I get that.”

Ronnie shook his head. “No, you don’t understand me. It’s nothing like that at all. I told you I have no loyalty to him.”

“What then?” I asked, jostled closer to him by some woman in a business suit and trainers as she rushed past us. “Sorry.” We were inches apart and I could feel Ronnie’s breath on my cheek. He lifted his hand from my shoulder and cupped my cheek. Instantly his eyes showed the realisation of what he’d done, and he dropped both his hands to his sides.

“I can’t talk to you about it, Amber,” he whispered. “I’m too close.”

Frowning, I wrapped my arms around my waist. “What do you mean?”

Then he whipped off his glasses and showed me his eyes. As I thought, they were full of understanding. “You know what I mean.” He hooked the glasses into the neck of his t-shirt and something about it was so hot, that I had to take a step back as he started to talk again. “I like you, Amber, you’re my friend and whatever I say about Jimmy isn’t going to be good.”

“If that’s how you feel then—”

“No, you don’t understand, Amber. Whatever I say might not come from a good place. It might come from a place of jealousy.” He rushed out the words and then mouthed a silent fuck.

My pulse spiked as I looked at him, unmistakably uncomfortable and torn at what he’d said. I got it, I really did, because I felt that same level of treachery almost. Our friendship had grown out of a few jokey texts, and I wasn’t sure when it had distorted into something more, but it had. Over time, the anticipation at receiving his messages or catching a glimpse of him had grown, to the point where I actively sought him out and scoured the internet for jokes, just so that I could send them to him.

For weeks I’d thought it was just me who felt that way, but Ronnie’s words meant that we were thinking the same thing. It was pointless, though, I couldn’t act on anything. I couldn’t hope for anything. Besides, I wasn’t even sure whether what I was feeling was for Ronnie, or the thrill and the boost to my confidence.

“I think maybe you’re right,” I replied. “I don’t want to know, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position anyway.”

“Honestly, it’s fine. It is, but I just don’t want to say something that I might regret.” Soft eyes grazed over my face and my heart clenched at the possibilities. “Something that might come off as me being a little bitch.”

His face morphed between confusion and horror, and I couldn’t help but giggle. It was the only thing I could think to do because the alternative would be wrong and destructive.

“Let’s forget I even asked.” I cleared my throat and pointed up the street. “I have a few more things to get, so it’s probably best if I just…” I trailed off, hoping that he knew what I meant. That he understood that I liked him too much to spend any more time with him.

“Yes, sure.” He shook his head and grabbed his sunglasses, pushing them back on. “I’ll go back and see if I can annoy Beau and Elliot for a bit before we need to go and do the soundcheck.”

They had hours until soundcheck, hours that I could have spent with him.

“Well, don’t annoy them too much.” I plastered on a smile. “Maybe see you at dinner?” It was something that Ali insisted on, us all having an early dinner together before a performance.

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