Page 82 of Shattered

“Everything is fucked, Bray. So much happened after his death.” His voice breaks as his eyes meet mine. “None of it was an accident. We come to find out that someone he had called his best friend since school was hiding a lot.” His teeth grit. “He drugged Jace’s drink, knowing that his body wouldn’t handle the amount he did, knowing it would probably end in a car accident and Jace dying.”

“What?” My hand moves to my mouth, sickness threatening to come up. “Remember when I mentioned Roxanne, Jace's mom?”

I nod as the tears escape my eyes. Bohdi leans forward, brushing them away with his thumb.

“It turns out she went on to have another child and created a fucking monster.” Rage fills Bohdi as he lets go of my hand, running his fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands.

“His so-called best friend was not only his half brother, but was also stalking his girlfriend for the entire six years. He was obsessed with Rylee. He kidnapped her. Me and Cash found her, but it didn’t stop there, the pain never did for our family. James got hold of Rylee again and this time, we nearly lost her and my brother. He shot Cash.” He sucks in a sharp breath.

“He’s OK now, but he already took the glue to our family. Now he wanted more, he wanted to ruin everything, and it was all because of Roxy, bringing him up in her lifestyle. Jace’s killer endured a lot growing up in the hands of Roxy and other people. Roxy died when James was young and he was taken into care, but he found out about Jace and resented the life he never got to live because of Roxy. So, he befriended him and then took his life.”

Bohdi gasps for air as he finishes telling me, and I sit there in bewilderment. Everything he has gone through, and he sits here, holding me through my grief.

“Boh.” My voice breaks. As I swallow the impending tears, I feel like will rack my body. “You’ve been piecing me together,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “But I didn’t see how shattered you were. I’m so sorry.”

He leans closer, his touch gentle yet desperate. “Look at me, Bray.”

I tremble, staring down, hating how much he’s been hurting all this time, and I never saw past my shit and own grief. “Please look at me.”

His pained voice has me tilting my head up, and it’s now I see it, I see the mirrored grief in his eyes. “Since Jace died, I’ve stumbled through life, hollow. I moved here to escape others’ happiness. Twisted, I know. I resented their laughter, their love.Thought permanent sadness was my future, and I expected everyone else to feel like that, too. I thought being sad and wallowing each and every day was normal. I expected everyone else to do that.” His thumb brushed my cheek, and I close my eyes, seeking warmth.

“And then you showed up.” His voice cracks further, revealing vulnerability. “You stepped into my darkness, Bray. Taught me it’s OK to smile, to feel something other than grief. A shared glance, a stolen laugh—they became lifelines." I trace the lines of his palm, heart pounding.

“But why?” I ask, barely audible. “Why fall for me?”

Bohdi’s gaze never wavers. “From the moment our eyes met,” he confesses, “I felt it, the pull. My heart recognized you before my brain caught up. Maybe I saw my mirrored pain in your eyes, or maybe it was your laughter echoing through my darkness. But I fell, Bray. Slowly, irrevocably.”

I lean toward him, foreheads touching. “Boh,” I murmur, his eyes lock with mine and my heart pounds in my chest. “I will lie in grief, I will swim in grief, I will fucking drown in it Boh, you know why? Because I found you in grief. I found a man who tests me, a man who ground every single one of my gears. A man who I dreamed of pummeling my fists into on more than one occasion. A man who saw every single crack and even watched me shatter before him, but still stayed. But most of all, I found a man that made me understand what love is. I found a man I fell in love with.”

Boh’s eyes shine with unshed tears “You can’t say you don’t mean it.” He smiles, a single tear escaping and trickling down his face.

“I fucking love you, Bohdi Stiles, and I mean every single word. I always did.” We both laugh as his lips meet mine. “I’m staying with you in the darkness.”

Chapter forty-four

Brayden

Three days later

For the past two days, I’ve been holed up in this dorm room, waking up to the sight of Cope, Tray, and Kal hovering around me like I’m some fragile baby. They won’t leave me alone for a second. Yesterday, I dared to take a shower, and when I stepped out, guess what? The bathroom door was slightly open. Can’t even shower in peace with the door shut.

They’re convinced I intentionally wanted to join Bex on the other side, but truth be told, my head was a mess. I can’t even say for sure what I wanted at that point. I know Bohdi has something to do with this as well. It’s as if he’s arranged for me to have a constant sitter.

I actually woke up this morning alone, which feels off. I check my phone, and find texts, and what’s even weirder? I don’t have a text from Bohdi. I normally wake up each morning to a text from him, telling me he misses me, and he can’t wait to see me in class when I’m back.

The doctor told me I need to take it easy. I’m off for another week, and Kal’s mom wants me to go see a therapist. I told her I’m OK but unlike my mom, Kal’s mom actually cares, and had basically insisted.

Sighing, I sit up in bed, bored out of my brain. I glance at the diaries beside me, running my hands over the smooth cover. Bohdi still texts me in the evening, asking me to tell him about Bexley. Anything, even down to his favorite color, and I can’t help but fall in love with him a bit more. It keeps me thinking of the happy thought of Bexley.

When I was in the hospital, Bohdi went back to the trailer and gathered everything and took them back to his place. I’ll never have to go back to the trailer again and I’ll never have to see my mom again. I have thought about her more than I should have over the last couple of weeks. People often fail to grasp the true nature of addiction. It devours those it traps, an insidious illness that embeds itself in their very bones and courses through their veins. It drowns them from the inside out. No matter how hard they struggle, they rarely break the surface, as it relentlessly pulls them back under. It holds them captive, slowly and painfully extinguishing their spirit. The only reprieve comes when the monster offers a fleeting lifeline, a brief moment of respite. But soon enough, it drags them back into the depths, suffocating them once more. My mom is an addict. But she is still a person, just like Bex was. She had choices and she never once chose us. Not ever. She turned her backs on us entirely, we could have died in that very bed, and she wouldn’t have known. I know my mom was in there somewhere, but she gave up. I begged her on more than one occasion and I would watch as tears fell down her face. But she would shake her head in silence and storm out of the trailer. She could have fought for us, but she didn’t. At least Bex tried. Not all the time, but he tried. He caredfor me; he protected me. My mom would have used us for our last breath if she could.

She succeeded with that for one of us.

Do I tell her about the note I found? Do I tell her he didn’t overdose on purpose like we were made to believe?

But you know what? She can live with that thought. She can live with the thought that Bexley was so fucked up, he no longer wanted to be on this earth and I hope one day she wakes up and it hits her how it was all her fault. I hope one day it tears her apart even a fraction of what it’s done to me.

Boh gave Kal two diaries along with our UV pens, just in case I needed them. Thank God he did because each night when I’m in bed on my own, Cope fast asleep, I open up those diaries and I read all our memories. It’s bittersweet but I’m so thankful I get to keep a part of this life with me.

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