Page 59 of Make Me Feel Again

“He didn’t fucking pounce on me. Don’t speak about him like he’s some fucking animal. He saved me, Bohdi, what part of that don’t you get. He made—” I cover my mouth trying to hold my sob in. “He made me feel what love was again,” I croak out. “He took all my pain away. Without him, my chest aches. Physically aches. And as much as you don’t want to hear this, and yes, it does pain me to say it, but it’s not because I’m trying to fill the void of Jace. It’s because I love him. I ache for Cash, When I’m not with him, he’s all I think about. When I’m sad, one word from him makes me happy again. He brings the light back into my life. He makes life worth living. He makes me feel again.”

“Fuck this,” Bohdi says before standing and walking out of the room. I lean my head down and cry into Cash’s hand. Normally, Bridge would comfort me, but she doesn’t this time. I turn to Bridge, wiping at my tears.

“Bridge? Do you hate me?” Tears fall down her cheeks.

“Rylee, I could never hate you. You’re one of the purest girls I have ever come across. You made my nephew the happiest person on this earth, and I’ll always be thankful for that.” She glances at Cash. “I should have known. He has been brighter lately. Happier. I knew losing Jace would kill him, but I knew something was keeping him going, and I couldn’t figure out what.” She looks back at me. “Now I know.” She doesn’t smile, but her eyes soften slightly as she looks back at Cash. “I think you saved him just as much as he saved you, Rylee.” She stands up, walking around the other side of the bed and sits down where Bohdi was sitting and grabs Cash’s other hand. She smiles while watching him.

“I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect, big brother, Ry.” She sighs and laughs as if she remembered something. “He was there to hold me when my heart got broken” she stops laughing again and to beat the shit out of the boy that broke it.” This makes me laugh a little because that is Cash. He is one of the most protective people I know when it comes to the people he loves. “He was there to hold me up when our parents died. He was there on the days I couldn’t get out of bed. He was always there on my worst days.” She stops and looks at me. “But now, come to think of it, I don’t ever remember anyone being there for him or holding him up. I don’t ever remember anyone taking the pain from him. He just took everyone else’s pain and put his aside because that’s the type of selfless man he is.” She silently cries, her gaze moving over his face.

“I know whatever he feels for you couldn’t have been easy, and I bet he’s beat himself up every day over it. I also know he would have never pursued his feelings with you if he truly didn’t love you. He wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I’m glad he did.” I’m taken back slightly with what she has just said.

“You’re glad he’s with me?” I stare at her with hesitation. She nods, smiling softly.

“He never put himself first, he always put others and their feelings before his own, and yes, if he did always have some kind of feelings for you while Jace was alive, then I’m glad he stepped away. But . . .” She pauses, sighing and looking down. “I’m glad that he finally got the chance to truly love, it wasn’t in the best circumstances, but when is love ever easy. The side of Cash I have seen in the last few months has been different, for the first time in his life, he’s looked lighter. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders even before Jace passed away, and now he doesn’t, and now I know what that look was.” She looks up at me again. “It was love, Ry. He's finally fallen in love, and no one deserves that more than him. If my big brother was ever going to be in love with a woman, I could only wish it would be a woman like you.”

“Bridge,” I cry. She reaches over Cash and picks my hand up and places both of our hands over his chest.

“You feel that, Ry.” I feel the soft beat of Cash’s heart. I nod, offering her a small smile.

“That beats for you, and I know with every fiber of my being he’s coming back to you.”

Chapter forty-seven

Rylee

“Don’tyouthinkyoushould get home?” the nurse says after doing her checks on Cash. I offer her a small smile.

“I had a sink wash and brushed my teeth today in there.” I nod over to the bathroom that adjoins Cash’s room. “You will be pleased to know.” She smiles and nods. “Did I smell?” I laugh. She chuckles while shaking her head from side to side.

“No, no. You just must be uncomfortable in that chair. It’s been three days now.” I shrug.

“I won’t sleep at home knowing he is here.” The nurse doesn’t say any more and leaves the room. Bridge stayed in the chair opposite last night. We all know he will wake up and that his body is recovering well, but after what happened with Jace, I can’t bring myself to go home. I keep thinking what if something goes wrong and I’m not here. Bohdi arrived half an hour ago. He text Bridget asking if we wanted coffee, but he hasn’t arrived in the room yet. If this was a week ago, I would be beside myself, trying to get Bohdi to talk to me. Now it’s like I don’t care if he never talks to me again. As long as Cash opens those eyes, that’s all I care about.

As if reading my thoughts, Bridget says, “Bohdi will come around. He loves his brother, and he loves you. It’s a lot to accept.”

I nod. “I know” is all I say. It is what it is. No one’s words will change that. Bridge looks toward the door, frowning.

“I’m going to find Boh, he’s been gone a while now.” She stands. “Do you need anything else, a sandwich?”

I nod, smiling. “A sandwich would be great, thanks.” As she walks out of the room, I turn my attention to Cash and lean up, placing a kiss on his lips like I do every morning. I didn’t this morning because Bridge was here, and I wasn’t sure how weird that would be for her this early on.

“Morning,” I whisper into his lips.

“I miss you.” I tell him this every morning. I rub my hand down his face, and then my breath hitches. He frowns ever so slightly. His eyebrows draw down and then rise back up.

“Cash,” I whisper into his ear, “come back to me please.” A tear escapes my eye as I stroke his face again, this time using two hands.

“Please, Cash.” This time, nothing happens and that small bit of hope dies as my shoulders sag and I place a kiss on his head, holding my lips there but as I pull back, everything around me stops.

“Cash,” I shriek. His eyes flutter. “Cash, come on. I’m here, please, please open those eyes.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, his eyes open and then squint shut, but I see the blue.

“Cash.” I slam the buzzer next to his bed, and within seconds, a nurse runs in.

“He’s awake, he’s awake,” I cry. The nurse looks at Cash and sees him fluttering his eyes open again. She calls out behind her, and two other nurses come in. I get told to stand back, but I didn’t realize I was holding his hand, and as I am letting go, he squeezes it, not wanting me to let him go. The relief leaves me in a wail of a cry. He’s back here with me. I squeeze my hand out of his grip.

“I’m still here, Cash,” I say through the tears.

“Mr. Stiles, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes,” the nurse says to him. Cash’s eyes open, and this time, they open wider than before.

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