Page 40 of Make Me Feel Again

“Cash has been different . . . with you.”Shit. Fuck.

“What do you mean.” I frown, bringing my hands out in front of me and picking at the skin on my nail. Anything to ground this feeling right now.

“More protective, around you a lot. Since Jace, he’s just been different, and it’s a bit weird.” He frowns toward the floor and places his hands in his pockets.

“I think it’s just the James thing, with what James told me. He doesn’t want James doing it again.” I blabber, praying that Boh drops it. If he asks me to my face, I don’t know if I can lie to him. My face will say it all. I’m already getting hot.

“Rylee.”

I glance up and lock eyes with him.Oh no.

“Is anything going on—”

“Rylee, when did you get here?” Cash appears from behind Boh, walking over to me and giving me a kiss on my cheek.

My eyes flick from Cash to Boh. Boh’s jaw tenses right before he nods a few times and walks back to the kitchen. He knows. He has to.

“Cash,” I say, my eyes filling with tears.

“It’s okay, he didn’t ask. It’s okay,” Cash says, pushing my hair back from my face and cupping my cheeks.

I step back from him. “Don’t.” I put my hand out in front of me, glancing around, worried Boh or Bridge are watching.

“I stopped him from asking you. It’s okay.” He frowns.

“Were you listening?” I ask.

He nods. “I was worried he may ask. Every time your name is mentioned, he looks at me. He’s barely talking to me at the moment,” he mumbles, then takes a deep breath. “I think he knows.”

“And now he hates me. He can barely even hug me anymore.” My heart beats out of my chest, and I feel like a panic attack may set in any minute. My chest tightens.

“Calm down.” Cash pulls my arm, and I yank it away. If he wasn’t so fucking obvious, Boh might have never caught on.

“This is your fault,” I grit out. “Don’t talk or look at me for the rest of night. I mean it.” I point at him. “I need to work out what to do about Boh. He means too much to me,” I say as I go to walk past him. He grabs my bicep. I glance up at his face and relax at the way his eyebrows are drawn down. “What, and I don’t?” he questions.

“Please just leave it for now.” I walk away feeling like shit and the ache starts back up in my chest again.

“The food is great, Bridge,” I say glancing sideways to her with a smile while cutting into my pork.

“Thank you, Ry,” she says, bunching her shoulders up. The table is oddly silent, and I am doing all I can to avoid looking in Cash’s direction. His stare is burning a hole into the side of my face. The only noise is the TV in the background. Bridge is squinting while looking between Boh and Cash. Boh is pushing around the food on his plate.

“Boh, Cash.” Cash shifts in his seat. “Why are you both so silent?” she says.

“I’m fine, Bridge,” Boh says, picking up his wine and taking a sip. He smiles at her like he normally does. Like the way he used to smile at me. I risk glancing at Cash, but he isn’t staring at me. He’s staring at the chair next to me. The one at the head of the table—where Jace always sat. His knife and fork still sit on the table as he swishes the whiskey in his glass. Staring at the spot. The empty chair represents the hole Jace left in all our lives.

“I miss him so much,” Bridge says next to me, startling me. I glance at her and then at Boh. We all stare at the empty space, and that’s what is wrong here. It’s not because of Boh being in a mood, it’s not because Cash is upset with me. It’s because the life of this family, the heartbeat isn’t here. His personality lit up a room. You couldn’t help but be happy and smile around Jace. Now it’s just empty.

“He wouldn’t want this,” I whisper.

Bridget takes my hand and squeezes. “You’re right, Rylee. He wouldn’t. So let’s raise a glass to him and celebrate how he would want us to. Laughing, drinking, enjoying each other’s company.”

We raise our glasses. “To Jace,” we all say before taking a sip of our drinks. Everyone seems lighter. Boh gives me his signature grin with a wink, Cash is smiling, and Bridge is telling us about one of her recent clients who asked her to design a sex room. We all laugh like we do every year, like Jace would want us to. We continue to talk about anything and everything, making each other laugh. It feels how Thanksgiving always does.

Something on the news catches my eye—Breaking News – Homicide. I stand up mid conversation with my glass of wine and walk toward the TV to turn it up. When I see the face that pops up, my body freezes and the glass slips out of my fingers, shattering at my feet, and the wine splashes my legs. None of that bothers me though because all I see is Casey’s face plastered on the TV. Casey. Homicide.

Cash stands in front of me, his mouth moving, but I can’t hear anything. My vision blurs with unshed tears as my gaze moves back to the TV.

“He-he’s done it again.” I choke up, staring at the TV, not blinking. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Hands grip my face as Cash stands in front of the TV.

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