Page 23 of Make Me Feel Again

I walk into my room and grab my towel, then head out of the double bifold doors. The warm air hits my face, and the smell of the salty water calms everything inside of me. There is no one in sight. I don’t mind people, I am a people person and will talk to just about anybody, but I’m so happy no one is around. I can pretend Cash isn’t only a few feet away and it’s just me here.

I lay my towel out and then drop myself down. The white sand is silky against my palm as I run my fingers through it. It really is like being in paradise. The palm trees that overhang and provide bouts of shade throughout and the white sand that makes the blue in the sea stand out even more are a sight to behold. The gentle waves that ripple against each other and the glisten from the sun reflecting off the water that makes it appear like a sheet of crystal—it’s stunning. I close my eyes, enjoying the whooshing of the waves and the squawking from the birds. Jace’s face pops into my head, but it doesn’t make me sad, it makes me happy. I smile at the memory of us on the beach where he first told me he loved me.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” I drop my head, trying to hide the cheesy-as-hell smile forming on my face. I have only been with Jace for six months, and I swear the butterflies don’t stop. Every glance, every touch makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. I haven’t stopped smiling, and it all boils down to him.

“You did just tell me five minutes ago, but I’ll happily hear you say it again.” I side-eye him with a smirk, trying to hide how head over heels I am for him. He flashes me the sexy side grin that would have girls falling at his knees, and looks back out to sea.

I told Jace my love for the beach and how it helps me, so he brings us here a lot. He didn’t see why at first, but since coming here, he understands now. He picks my hand up from the sand and laces his fingers between mine. We look down at our hands, and I grin at how perfect we fit together.

“You know . . .” I wait for him to continue. He looks back out to sea, with a small smile on his face. It’s true what they say, the right person will come along when you least expect it. He glances over at me, holding eye contact.

“I never thought I would find someone as amazing as you, Rylee. I feel like you bulldozed into my life, knocking away every bit of bad in it.” He smiles at me. His blue eyes sparkle like diamonds with the sea in the background. He has such a way with words, they send a shiver through me.

“What I’m trying to say is, I love you, Rylee Matthews.” My eyes swim with unshed tears. A tear escapes and falls down my cheek, and he brushes it away. “Well, I didn’t expect you to cry from telling you I love you.” He smirks. Hearing those words brings more tears to my eyes.

“Ry?” His eyebrows draw together.

My smile breaks through the tears. “I-I love you too, Jace,” I croak out.

The crashing of the waves brings me back to the present. Wetness seeps into my cheeks as I let the silent tears fall. The waves lap at my feet; I didn’t realize how close I was to the shoreline, but I welcome the shock from the temperature of the water. My fingers move of their own accord, and without even realizing, I wrote,I miss youinto the sand.

Chapter twenty-one

Cash

Iwalkintomyroom that will feel like a prison for the next week, then chuck my duffle bag on the bed and run my hands over my face. That was easier than I thought it would be. I expected her to put up more of a fight. Not that she would have won.

The room is pretty plain, nice though. Just white and blue—a typical beach house vibe. I stride over to the double doors that lead to the beach, and the white sand and sea are beautiful. Okay, if this is my prison for the next week, I won’t complain. It beats the office. I go to turn around but something in my periphery catches my attention, and Rylee is sitting in the sand, running her hands through it, and staring out to sea. She looks so deep in thought like she isn’t even here.

Rubbing my chest, my heart aches at her beauty, but also the guilt. Every time I think about her, or look at her, it floods my body. Giving into these feelings for her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Now it’s even harder because every time I look at her, I remember her sweet taste, her soft skin, and I shouldn’t know what she tastes like or what it feels like to hold her. I know being here is bringing it all back for her too. The way she couldn’t look me in the eye for longer than two seconds, and when I got near her, she would back away. I get it. Jace booked this place for them, and here I am. The ache intensifies the longer I stare at her, so I turn around and drop onto the bed.

Staring up at the bland ceiling, I grab my wallet, flip it open, and pull out what I look at every day. The big toothless grin stares back at me, the big blue eyes squinting from the large-as-life smile. A smile forms on my lips. How could it not, looking at this picture of Jace on his first birthday. He has icing from the cake smash in his hair and up his nose, but he was so happy. He just kept giggling, probably from the sugar rush. I run my finger over the picture; what I would give to see that smile again. The picture drags me back to the memory.

“Oh, Cash, look how perfect my nephew is,” Bridget says, grinning at Jace sitting on the floor the photographer placed him on to have his way with the cake. The round blue cake is smashed to pieces and everywhere.

“He loved it.” I smile down at him bringing chunks of the icing stuck in his chubby hands to his open mouth. The dribble strings from his mouth to the cake, which makes me smile more. I bend down, and his big blue eyes find mine, then he lets out a loud squeal and flails his arms around, sending cake everywhere. The cake lands on my face and hair. Seeing him this happy swells my heart more than I could ever imagine. I run my hand down his face, and he stops moving and smiles up at me with his big toothless grin.

“Dada,” he shouts.

A camera clicks as my vision blurs from tears. He just said Dada.

“Cash, Cash, did you hear him!” Bridget says next to me.

I look at her, the grin aching my cheeks from how big it is. “He just said Dada,” I say in awe. Bridge smiles down at me as I glance around at the rest of the family. My mom and dad stand there mirroring my grin as Boh slaps an arm down on my shoulder.

“Dada, Dada,” he says again, and everyone laughs because we know, no doubt, this is all we will hear now. I could hear this every second of everyday and never be bored of it. Bringing Jace up as a single dad has been a struggle, but my family makes it easier and his first word being Dada makes me surge with happiness. He opens his arms for me to pick him up. I lift him and give him a big kiss on his cheek.

“My boy,” I whisper to him.

My finger strokes over the picture again and again as I drag myself out of the memory. We were so happy in that moment. Tears roll down my face as I lie there with my eyes closed, imagining the word “Dada” that I would give my life to hear come out of his mouth again.

“What I would do to just see or hear you again, my boy,” I whisper to the picture and place a kiss on it. Holding the picture to my chest, I let the silent sobs engulf me, and keep my eyes closed. The minute I open them, the guilt will eat me alive, and I can’t cope with it right now. I block out the waves and the birds and turn over in the bed and keep the “Dada” floating around in my head until sleep takes me.

Chapter twenty-two

Rylee

Thefollowingmorning,thebutterflies that engulf me at Cash being in the next room, sicken me. I want to scream. This is why I can’t have him here. It’s wrong in so many ways, but it just makes me want him more.

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