Page 20 of Make Me Feel Again

“I’m saying that I need to be on my own for a while. Not staying here. Not having any contact with you.”

His stare hardens. “You think I’m letting you go home on your own when that psycho is still out there, over my fucking dead body,” he grinds out, the veins in his arms more pronounced than before. His shoulders are hunched. I stand straight and push my shoulders back before turning toward him to give him my sole attention so he can see I’m doing this and he’s not stopping me.

“I’m going home. On my own. Toni knows a guy that installs good security systems who she called today, and he is going to come over this afternoon and see what he can do,” I say in a clear and calm voice. His eye twitches at that, knowing that I made this decision before walking in here, has already pissed him off.

“I will be fine, I will text you now and then, I just need to get my head sorted. Please understand this.” I grab his hand and the tension slips away. Small steps.

“How long?” He scrutinizes me.

“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I will text you to check in.”

Cash rubs at the back of his neck, and then he drops his hands beside him, clenching his fists. His eyes close as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I can let you go Ry.” He opens his eyes, his forehead scrunching, and his eyes manically flicking between mine. “What if something happens, what if a security system doesn’t keep that creep out? Then what?” His eyebrows draw down as his gaze softens and he lets out a sigh, his shoulders dropping. If he keeps looking at me like this, I will never leave.

“I will hardly be on my own. I will be at work most days with everyone in the office. I will be seeing Toni, Bridge, and Bohdi.”

He runs his hands through his hair and paces back and forth in front of me, his hand on the back of his neck again. “It’s not enough. I won’t sleep at night if I don’t know you’re okay.” I reach out, stopping him, and he brings himself in front of me, pushing between my legs. He cups my face in his large hands, and I place my hands around his neck. He pulls at my face for me to look up at him and then places a gentle kiss on my lips.

“It will have to be enough. It’s all I can give you,” I whisper into his lips.

“Let me make you a counteroffer,” he says, placing another kiss on my lips. I freeze and then pull my head back, biting my lip, wondering what he is going to say.

“How about you text me each night before you go to bed so I know you’re safe and then drop me a text each morning?”

“The whole point is to get my head straight, speaking to you every day won’t do that.”

“You don’t have to engage in conversation with me, just a morning and night text, that’s all I ask. Please.” He begs with his eyes. I sigh, my gaze bouncing across his. It’s sweet, how can I say no to that.

“Okay, but that’s it.” He nods, standing up, holding my face between his hands.

“I hate everything about this, but just promise me one thing.” He places a kiss on my lips and rests his head against mine.

“You best fucking come back to me. I swear to God, I will hunt you to the ends of this earth if you don’t.” He clutches my cheeks, placing his lips on mine as he opens my mouth with his tongue. He caresses my tongue with each swipe, and I swear it makes it harder for me to let go.

I don’t doubt for one minute he wouldn’t hunt me to the end of the earth to get me back, but he won’t need to. I don’t know how I will do this without him, but I have to. These feelings have crept up on me. It’s like I knew they were there but I didn’t realize how strong they were. I pull myself away; the longer he kisses me the harder it will make this.

“I’m going to grab my stuff from upstairs, and then I’m going, Toni is downstairs in an Uber.” Cash closes his eyes, his nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath, then gives me a slow nod before bowing his head and walking toward the basement.

I take the stairs two at a time, knowing I need to get my stuff and get out of here. As I pack the few clothes and toiletries I brought with me, a dread fills my stomach. What if he won’t wait for me, what if he moves on and finds someone else?

I grab my phone out of my pocket to text Toni that I’ll be a few minutes and we need to stop to get more wine. She’s staying with me tonight whether she likes it or not.

I pad down the stairs, and once I get to the bottom, I hear loud bangs and grunts. What the fuck is that? I walk toward the basement and realize it’s Cash hitting the bag. Hard. I was going to go down and say bye to him, but I think it’s best I just leave. I have always thought of myself as strong, but he makes me feel so weak for him, and if I had to face him again, there is no way I would leave this house.

Once I walk outside, my phone pings. I pull it from my pocket, and Cash’s text leaves a smile on my face.

Cash:Don’t you dare forget that you’re mine, Rylee. I’ll be here when you’re ready.

Chapter eighteen

Cash

Two months later

TwoagonizingmonthsIhave gone without seeing Rylee. Two months of pure torture. She’s stuck to what she said, and texts me morning and night, which I’m surprised with. A part of me was hoping she would forget so I could storm to her house and see for myself she was okay.

Some nights, I sat outside her apartment, staring up at the living room window, hoping I might catch a glimpse of her, but I never did. I felt like a fucking creep, but looking at a picture of her isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to see her face, hear her voice, see those bright-green eyes staring back at me. I have been a mess the last two months, drinking stupid amounts. Barely sleeping. Every night I close my eyes, I’m plagued with dreams of Rylee or Jace. Jace standing there watching me, not saying a word. His face said it all though, the drawn down eyebrows, his blue eyes not glowing like they normally did. They were like ice.

I know it’s just my subconscious messing with my head, but I can’t handle it anymore, I want to go back to seeing his glowing sea-blue eyes, with his big bright smile. Dreams of her came next, her angelic face and high cheekbones framed by her flowing chestnut hair. Her forest-green eyes shining back at me, and that smile. The smile that could have any man dropping to their knees while praying to spend a lifetime with her. You can tell with one look at Rylee, her soul is pure. Light shines out of every pore on her face. I knew it from the moment I first met her, then once you get to know her, you’re fucked. Because she is one of the most precious souls I have ever encountered, and I know my son felt the exact same, so I had to do the best thing and keep her at arm’s length. The longer I blocked her out, the easier it got. The less I spoke to her, the more I forgot how mesmerizing and funny she is. I slowly forgot how beautiful she was. I even had to stop myself from looking at her because one smile is all it took with Rylee. One smile and you’re done for.

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