Page 56 of Make Me Feel Again

“I love you, Rylee. I will always fucking love you,” Cash croaks out.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much, Cash,” I cry out. Cash’s eyes go wide at my words. Then bang. The gun goes off and I scream, my legs giving out as I collapse to the floor. Cash falls like a deadweight, hitting the floor, staring at me, eyes wide open. Blood pools around him as his eyes flutter close. I watch the biggest light in my world burn out. I watch the second love of my life leave this world, and this time, I don’t think I will survive it. How can this be happening? I never got to show him how much I love him, how thankful I am to him for saving me. For making me feel like life is worth living again after losing Jace. I’ve had someone else taken from me, and I don’t want to be here without Cash.

“Kill me,” I cry out. “Fucking kill me! Point that fucking gun at me and kill me.” The anger invades me as I stand back up, wiping away my tears.

“I will never, ever be with you willingly. I will hate you for the rest of my life. I will do everything I can to make your life a living fucking hell. If you don’t kill me now.” His eye twitches, and then he’s on me in a flash.

“You will fucking be with me. You ungrateful bitch. I have killed three people for you.” He screams. I rear my head back and slam it forward, the pain searing when I make contact with James’s head.

“You bitch,” James says as he falls back slightly, and before he can gather his footing, I run to Cash’s side. He lays there in a pool of blood.

“Cash. Cash. Please wake up. I love you. I love you. Please, I can’t do this without you.” I go to feel for a pulse, but then I’m being yanked up by my hair.

“Get up, you bitch,” James spits. I glance at him and see the blood dropping from his nose. That little bit of blood sends satisfaction through me.

“I don’t care what you thought, James. I will never be yours.” I spit in his face, and again, he backhands me, but this time, it’s with the gun. I drop to the floor, knowing he has split open my face. I hold my cheek as I cry again. My eyes land on Cash once more, and he still lays there, unresponsive, not moving. I’ve lost him, nothing will save us now. If James won’t kill me, I’ll find a way of doing it. I’m not living this life. He bends down and grabs my face.

“Look at him, Rylee. Fucking look at him.” He pinches my cheeks as he turns my head toward Cash. “I didn’t shoot his head for a reason,” he spits. “I didn’t want him to die straight away. I want you to watch him bleed out. I have waited years for you. Fucking years,” he screams. “You can go through some of the torture I went through waiting for you.” He shoves my face away.

“If I have to fucking force you, I will. I have waited over six fucking years for this moment. You are not taking it away from me.” I’m confused what he means when I see him using one hand to unbuckle his belt.

“No. No.” I shake my head. “Nooo,” I scream as I crawl away, but James grabs me by my ankles, pulling me back. He drops to the floor, pushing all his weight on me. I freeze in fear, staring at Cash, the one thing good about his eyes being closed is that he doesn’t have to see this. I don’t bother fighting, I have no more strength in me. All I know is, once it’s over, I will find any way and every way I can to end this all.

“Do you know how many nights I’ve pictured you. That night of the brunch when I picked Casey up from work, I pictured you. Every single time I was with Casey. You were all I saw.” He kisses my ear as I stare blankly at Cash.

I let my mind take me to when Cash and I were at the cabin. When he would hold me when I was sad. I take myself back to when he bathed me and told me I was his light. My mind goes back to the good memories as James’s hand slides up my leg and pulls up my dress. The tears start to fall as I close my eyes and try to picture myself in Cash’s arms. James is saying something, but I have zoned him out. I imagine a made-up future with Cash, me in a wedding dress with him next to me. Tears continue to track down my face.“I fucking love you, Rylee.It’s as simple and as complicated as that.”

“I love you, Cash,” I whisper as James hooks his fingers around my panties and pulls them down. Every tensed muscle in my body relaxes. I close my eyes once again and take myself away. I let myself be with Cash in every possible way I can. The mind is a scary place, but it can sometimes be a beautiful place to escape too.

“Mine,” James whispers as he shuffles, and then all of a sudden, I’m being crushed with his weight. Why is he laying on me? What is happening? I wait for him to move but nothing happens, and then I start to hear again.

“Rylee. Rylee.” I stare into Toni’s big blue eyes.

“Am I dreaming?” I murmur, not moving as I feel my body get lighter, knowing the weight isn’t on me anymore. Toni’s eyes look frantic as she slowly pulls me to standing, but as soon as I’m up right, I drop back to the floor.

“Rylee. My babe, please look at me,” Toni says, her eyes frantically flick all over my face. “You’re safe. We got you.” It’s then I let my eyes gaze around the room, there are at least six police officers standing around, and then it feels like my heart stops.

“Cash!” I scream. I crawl toward people who surround him.

“Get away from him. Get away.” What are they doing to him?

“Rylee. They are helping him. Stop. The ambulance will be here soon. They are saving him.” I scream and cry as Toni holds me in place on the floor.

“He’s in good hands, Ry. I promise you.” Toni holds me tight and doesn’t let me move. I give in and sob into her chest, gripping on to her.

Chapter forty-five

Rylee

Beep...Beep . . . Beep.

I didn’t think I would be hearing this noise so soon. I stare at Cash lying in that hospital bed. Eyes closed, tubes everywhere. How did this happen, how did we get here? I haven’t left this chair for the last two days. I haven’t washed. I haven’t even brushed my teeth, but I don’t care about anything other than Cash. I keep hoping and praying he will open his eyes, but with every given day, the panic sets back in. What if this happens again? I can’t go through it again. Not with someone I love. The nurses keep telling me he will wake up and his body just needs to recover, but what if he doesn’t? I can’t help but think the worst.

The bullet punctured his lung and was still lodged inside him, so they had to operate to remove it. He also lost a substantial amount of blood, so he’s had to have two blood transfusions. He has a breathing tube in due to his one lung being damaged and needing to heal, but seeing him like this, makes me think the worst.

Bohdi and Bridge have been here all day every day, but they go home at night. Neither of them have said anything about what happened the night I left Cash’s or why I won’t leave his side, why I cry holding his hand every day or why I tell him how much I love him and need him to wake up. Bohdi hasn’t said one word to me. Bridge has, but she is distant. The thought of losing them crushed me before, but it’s nothing like the pain I feel now. The fear of losing Cash. They could not speak to me for the rest of my life if it meant seeing Cash’s eyes open, if it meant hearing his voice, hearing him tell me he loves me again.

“Ms. Matthews.” I glance to the side, and two men in suits stand there, looking at me hesitantly. “I’m DC Lowen and this is my colleague DC Arman.”

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