Page 86 of Rule Breaker

MADDOX

JANUARY

It was a new semester, but it felt like September.

I saw Kayden at practice, but it was awkward. There were polite nods and ‘hey, how’s it going’ so no one on the team questioned us. I guessed he’d done okay with his finals. I didn’t ask, even though I wanted to. He must’ve done well because he was still here, right? And me? My sleep was shit, my concentration and appetite too. It wasn’t difficult for me to figure out why.

I missed him. And I didn’t miss anyone, except my mom.

But how could I want for a guy who annoyed me half the time and confounded me the rest? Okay, so Kayden didn’t annoy me anymore. Maybe I liked him. A lot. So much that it was physically painful for me to walk into my room. That goddamn chair was like staring at a neon sign, reminding me about our first kiss. And everything that followed. Every touch was branded in my brain, burned into my memory. I’d never forget.

And Christmas, by myself? It was more like Halloween, with only the ghosts of students past roaming the halls. And it reallyfucking bothered me. I never minded being alone before. But I did now. The quiet was too much. Lonely. Depressing. And I hated it.

So, I did something monumentally dumb. I searched for Kayden’s socials and followed him.

He’d posted a few pics of his family holiday. But he wasn’t smiling in any of the photos. In fact, Kayden’s expression looked a lot like mine Every day I berated myself for what I’d said to him. Had I hurt him? I kept telling myself what we had was just sex, but there was no way I was buying that shit now. I was feeling stuff I never imagined I was capable of.

Then I thought about our next practice, next game, our season’s stats. Would me and Kayden being together really fuck things up? Did other teammates fuck around? Who knew? If they were, what did it matter as long as it didn’t interfere with the game?

For the first time in years, I wanted something more than hockey. I wanted Kayden. A relationship with him? Boyfriends? I couldn’t hardly believe it, but there it was. Acknowledging the truth had my brain freaked out, but my gut finally stopped hurting. I had to talk to him. Even though I didn’t know if confronting him was going to make my life a total mess or be the strangest, best thing ever.

I’d hardly left my room since everyone returned to campus. I was still figuring out what I wanted to say to Kayden and how, but I’d decided today was the day. We had practice, but afterward, we needed to talk. If he’d talk to me. He would, right? This was Kayden. No way would he ghost me if I tried to approach him. Would I have to apologize? Ugh, I hated saying sorry. That right there was a testament as to how much I was in over my head for this guy. I didn’t apologize to anyone.

Still, as confident as I was that he would talk to me, my nerves were riding high when I entered the rink. As usual,me and Silas were the first guys here, and slowly, the rest of our teammates trickled in. There was the usual talk—about Christmas break, raunchy jokes, and comments about our upcoming game against the number one college hockey team, Langston.

I didn’t hear Kayden’s voice, but I knew exactly when he arrived. Call it a premonition, but it was weird. I’d never been in tune with anyone like that before. It was frightening how badly I wanted to see him, so much that my body began to tremble the moment he stepped into the room.

I rushed to put on my gear, trying to hide the fact that my hands were shaking.

When I looked up and saw Kayden staring right back at me, I nearly blurted out my relief that he was here. And that he was finally looking at me. Really looking at me. Then I realizedhehad onmyresting bitch face. This wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d imagined.

“Hey Maddox, what’s going on?” Ethan asked out loud, our teammates turning to stare. “Why’s Kayden scowling, and you look like you’re lost? You guys switch personalities?”

The guys laughed at that, but I didn’t find it funny at all. Accurate, but not amusing.

“At least we have personalities, Ethan. That’s more than I can say for you,” I spat out.

“Ooh, the snark is back! Thank fuck,” Jace quipped and gave me a nod.

I nodded in return. Damn fucking right. I might be starting to like the guys around here, but that didn’t mean I was gonna start smiling or acting nice or anything.

“Don’t tell me you’re still wearing that stupid bracelet,” Axel sneered as he stepped closer to me. He glanced from me to Kayden again. “What are you guys, like BFFs now?”

Axel turned to me with sharp eyes. Did he know? Could everyone tell how I felt about Kayden?

“We’ve won the last two games, so it stays,” I bit out, recalling the superstitions hockey players are known for. “Are you okay with that? You wanna see what brand of underwear I have on too?”

Axel gave me his middle finger and stalked away. Asshole. I turned to Kayden and the look he gave me said he was scared as fuck they were on to us.

So much for my confidence.

Practice was brutal. It felt like I hadn’t stepped foot in the gym for a year. Coach was in a demanding mood too, pushing drill after drill, until hours later, we were all sweaty and sore and begging for practice to end.

Kayden loosened up and started talking to everyone. Except me. I was counting down the seconds until this practice was over so I could finally talk to him alone.

Coach blew his whistle and motioned for everyone to gather close. I skated up to the group and glanced at Kayden. He was looking anywhere but at me. The knot in my stomach tightened.

“You guys are slow today and I get it,” Banning bellowed. “We’ve come back from the holiday break. Too much food and not enough activity. But now’s not the time to slack off.”

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