Page 61 of Rule Breaker

Instead of splashing water on my face, I turned around and turned on the shower. I needed to scrub down and forget tonight ever happened. It was a mistake. A fucking powerful, world-imploding mistake. One I wasn’t going to repeat.

You’re an asshole.

No shit. Not just kissing Kayden, but after. Telling him to go, leaving him there. But it had to be done. I wasn’t ready to process what had happened, never mind talk about it. I’d been so sure, so consistent in my efforts to keep people away, convinced that I’d never be like anyone else. I was damaged, a freak, unable to make any kind of connection.

Until now. Until him.

No.

I stood under the spray of the water and watched as the drying cum—mine and Kayden’s—washed away. Why did that leave me with an ache in my chest? Was that regret? No. How could I be remorseful about something that felt so good?

It’s just sex. Hormones. Totally normal. I guess I wasn’t so different from everyone else as I’d imagined. But still, that’s where it ended. We got off, and he was gone. End of.

Don’t think about it.

Easier said than done. This must be why people hook up with strangers. Once it was over, it was over. Not for me. I had to see Kayden in class, on the ice, in the locker room, in the shower room. Don’t even think about him naked in that shower again…ugh, too late.

And now, I’d never be able to sit in my fucking chair or work in my room without thinking about the way we went at each other. Like animals, unrestrained, uninhibited. The primal part of me wasn’t dead, it was dormant. Not anymore. But, it was risky. Obliterating any remaining rules I had—and I didn’t have many.

How was I gonna face Kayden? What would I say?

I’d act like nothing had happened. Be my usual self, and things would be fine. Besides, he was straight. Okay, more than likely bi. Whatever. It didn’t matter. I didn’t mean anything more to him than he meant to me. A quick orgasm and itwas done. It was college. We were supposed to explore and experiment.

Odd thing was, I could only picture experimenting with him.

When I woke up the next day, my phone was silent. No text or call from Kayden. I was so fucking relieved. This was what I wanted. It was no big deal.

Two days later, same thing. I saw Kayden in economics class. He waved, but sat on the other side of the room. Cool. I got to listen to the lecture without interruption. Not that I was paying much attention, but still.

A week passed. Still nothing. Until I texted him about our economics study session. I didn’t want to reach out, but if he needed help, I wasn’t going to turn him away.

Kayden’s response?

Kayden: Not this week. I’m good.

Good. Fine. His regular tutor probably had it covered. We had midterms. I wondered how his studying was going. Not that I was thinking about Kayden.

Just, you know, every day…

Two weeks later, Thanksgiving had come and gone, and still no word from Kayden.

I became more agitated with each passing day. I should’ve been happy. I’d had weeks to myself. It was peaceful, quiet. No one to bothered me about friendship bracelets, or what kind of music I listened to, or teased me about my scowl. Who needed that shit, anyway? Not me. The only time I saw Kayden was in class, or at practice. He kept his distance and so did I. There was a word or two exchanged, but that was it. And this was Kayden?A word or two wasn’t his usual. Whatever. It wasn’t my problem anymore.

By the time early December hit, we’d gotten our midterm results back. I aced all my exams, including economics. Then I wondered how Kayden did. Which wasn’t like me. Why did I give a fuck? I shouldn’t. I didn’t. Still, I didn’t want him to fail or anything. He was probably fine. Or was he?

Before I knew it, my hands were typing out a message.

Maddox: How’d midterms go?

I headed off to the gym for a workout. An hour later, sweaty but still wired, I checked my phone. No reply. I walked back to the dorm, but I couldn’t concentrate on any of my projects.

Next thing I knew, I was stomping up to the third floor. I passed Jackson in the hallway, and he stopped short when he noticed me.

“Maddox, hey, how are you?” he asked. “It’s been a while.”

“Um, I’m okay. I’m looking for Kayden,” I said quietly. “Is he around?”

“He’s in his room,” Jackson replied, raising one eyebrow. “But maybe hold off on the snark. I think he’s had a bad day. In fact, he’s been quiet the past couple of weeks.”

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