Page 10 of Echoes

Clearing his throat, Dr. Smith picks his pen back up. "Do you have any current mental health symptoms or concerns?"

"I'm concerned about my privacy and protection," I snap back.

"Have you had any thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation?"

"No," I say gingerly.

He nods. "Any thoughts about harming others?"

I scoff. "When have I ever been a threat to others?"

Dr. Smith glances up coolly. "It's just a standard question, Avery."

"I believe I answered it,Dr. Smith."

"Very well. As you recall you have borderline personality disorder. Often, events can trigger episodes. How are you feeling?"

I casually gaze back at him. "What the hell is an episode?"

"You may experience intense emotions that feel out of control. It can lead to outbursts of anger, harmful thoughts, becoming withdrawn or feeling paranoid."

My eyebrows furrow. "Given everything that has happened to me, wouldn't it be warranted if I was angry, paranoid or feeling withdrawn? I'm not exactly jumping for joy at being here. First, my personal information was stolen and leaked. Then I wasframed for murder. This feels like a trap. No matter how I respond, there's no right answer."

"Of course your feelings are warranted. You have every right to be upset. These feelings would be beyond that—beyond a reasonable level of reaction to your circumstances."

"I'm not about to kill everyone, if that's what you mean."

Dr. Smith's lips twitch into a smile. "How do you feel about yourself?"

"I already answered that—" I start to argue, but he cuts me off.

"Not in respect to self-harm, but how do you feel about yourself? Let me put this in simple terms. Do you like yourself?"

I still. "I've never liked myself. Everyone I've ever crossed paths with made sure to remind me of how little I mean."

He makes some notes and I scold myself for being so honest. I should have stopped myself from rambling, but the words of self-hatred often just escape on their own.

"Have there been any situations in recent times where you felt differently?"

I stay quiet. I already have one foot in the grave and I'm not willing to bury myself alive at this point. Dr. Smith looks up, noticing my silence.

"There's no right or wrong answers here, Avery."

"The fuck there isn't."

He smiles again, leaning back in his chair. "You're not going to fail the psych assessment. But please try to find the courage to answer."

My eyes narrow suspiciously. I don't trust him—or anyone. He could just be saying all the right words to fool me. But he refuses to move on, waiting patiently until I finally relent.

"I started to feel better about myself when some people made me feel like I was worth it," I sigh. "But that's gone now."

Dr. Smith nods, pleased with my response. "One thing to understand about your condition is that self-worth is hugelyaffected. One of the key things to work on is finding a way to recognize that value without the need of external validation. But that being said, we're human. It's okay to feel good because of someone. That can often help us gain insight into rational things."

"Rational things?" I question wearily.

"Our brains can trick us into believing something that isn't real. Sometimes we need that support network to remind us and help us see the good."

Blinking slowly, I shake my head. "There is no good. It was a temporary, fleeting moment. That chance is gone."

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