I glance back at Nyxion, reminding myself he’s got the same hair, though he wears his in a ponytail or a messy bun. Morpheus also has dark waves, but he keeps his shorter, curling just beneath his ears with some locks falling onto his brow.
The pink hearts on my shoulder burst into flower petals. The unicorns gallop right off my skin, and I tilt my head and part my lips in wonder as I lift my finger to one. The unicorn shakes her purple mane and clops right onto my fingertip.
Flowers form a daisy chain and rest on my brow.
But when a tingle hums on the left side of my body, I flick my eyes to see the black and white pill tattoos bouncing off my arm.My spirit darkens, and the upbeat song fades into a whimsical but tragic melody.
“Numb Little Bug,” I muse, my mind wandering to the real world, prepared to crash me into a wave of racing thoughts that lead to memories of little bones in my sandbox, cell bars, and a noose around my throat.
Just keep on flying. Keep on climbing. They’ll never catch you.
Torn between taunting the darkness in me and playing with it.
The swords escape my skin, slicing on their way out, cutting thin lines of blood. The skulls imitate nutcrackers, clapping their teeth together as they dance around my head. I still smile through it all. A twisted sick little smile because I’ll never let the sickness inside catch up to me.
I touch the word on my inner left wrist, the first I ever carved.Viral.
My father’s eyes twinkle in my mind—as if to remind me that I have him to thank for the word. Funny how the result became an addiction when I just needed antibiotics.
Now, the virus is just a part of me. A crazed cackle echoes all around me, and I recognize the sound of my rising devil whispering in my ear:“You are the virus, dear. Embrace it. Spread it. Because you’re airborne.”
Airborne. Another plane. Another tiny dent in my trust fund.
Another chance to study how champagne bubbles look like cotton ball clouds.
Another chance to wonder about the lightness of limbo and lucid dreaming in first class.
I feel my limbs, but they won’t move. My lungs claw for air.
She’s crashing! Vitals dropping!
Push 1mg of epinephrine IV, now!
Maybe I should have tattooed DNR onto my chest.
Sometimes, it felt like I’d cut only to find broken glass inside my veins. Drops of blood like rubies bought with the sins of my father visiting upon the children.“But they didn’t just visit, did they?”my Devil asks.
Has anyone even visited me?
Charge the defibrillator to 200 joules.
Charging now.
Clear!
When a strong, skeletal hand grips my throat, followed by black diamond orbs in endless depths deadpanning with me, I face off with Nyxion.
His other hand lowers to my right wrist, tapping the messy scrawl my left hand carved.Show.
Tears form a film over my eyes as all three brothers form a dark wall around me, their wings surrounding me like a black sanctuary.
“Dream for me,” Nyxion’s whisper piercing through the noise inside my head calls to me with his dark summons. “Stay with me, little killer.”
“Show us…” Morpheus says from behind me, his voice both tender and commanding.
“Yes, put on a show for us,” Phantasos tells me, her Queen ego fading to his god self. “Escaping the pain is such a fun symptom of humanity, isn’t it?”
I offer a shy smile with Shinedown’s “Symptom of Being Human” revolving in my head.