Page 22 of Head Over Skates

"You know, after the Cody incident, I think we deserve some laughs," she says. "Let's roast the pathetic excuses for men we've had to deal with."

Jaime giggles and nods eagerly. "Ooh yes! Story time."

I have to grin. Only Maggie would turn creep encounters into a comedy roast.

"Alright, I'll start," Maggie declares. "Get ready for the saga of how I catfished my slimeball ex."

Jaime and I exchange amused glances as Maggie launches into her tale.

"So remember Brad?”

I nod. “The guy so in love with himself he used your credit card for botox?”

Maggie rings an imaginary bell. “Ding ding ding! Five points for Gryffindor. Anyway, I was determined to get revenge on that narcissistic pig. So, I created a fake dating profile using pics of a cute brunette I found online. Of course, hornball Brad took the bait and started messaging her."

I shake my head, already chuckling. Maggie has zero filter when it comes to calling out crappy guy behavior.

"We start chatting, me pretending to be the brunette, and he asks her out to dinner. So I pick this super fancy steakhouse and tell him to dress nice. Meanwhile, I sent the restaurant an anonymous tip that he was a notorious dine-and-dasher."

Maggie pauses for dramatic effect, clearly relishing the story.

"So Brad shows up in a suit, thinking he's hot stuff waiting for his Tinderella. And the maître d' tells him politely that he needs to pre-pay for the meal."

"No way!" Jaime exclaims, eyes wide.

"Yup!" says Maggie gleefully. "And it gets better. I sent a local modeling agency to the restaurant too. They pretended to scout him, saying he had the perfect 'before' look for their weight loss transformation ads."

By now, Jaime and I are doubled over laughing. Trust Maggie to deliver peak petty revenge.

"Genius!" I say. "The ultimate blow to his ego."

Maggie takes an exaggerated bow. "It was my finest work. Your turn, Jaime! I know you've got stories."

Jaime blushes. "Oh gosh, I don't really have any fun ones..."

"Come on, there must be at least one loser ex you can tell us about besideshe who shall not be named," Maggie coaxes. “And by ‘he’ I mean Owen.”

“I think we caught that,” I say.

"Well..." Jaime hedges. We gaze at her expectantly until she relents.

"Okay, there was one guy I dated who was just the worst. Total mama's boy."

Maggie nudges her encouragingly. "This is gonna be good, I can tell!"

"Alright, alright!" Jaime laughs. "So Kyle still lived at home with his parents, which was strike one. And he kept calling me by his ex's name, Kaitlyn."

I shake my head in disbelief. "Sounds like a real winner."

"Oh, just wait. The best part is how I got back at him," says Jaime, clearly getting into the story now. Her eyes light up with mischief as she leans in. "I signed him up to audition for that show 'Five Dates and a Wedding.'"

Maggie's jaw drops open. She holds her wine glass in mid-air, frozen in disbelief. "No freaking way!" she exclaims after a moment, before taking a long sip.

"I wish I could say I was making this up, but it's 100% true," Jaime says, struggling to contain her grin. "Not only did I sign him up, but I may have also written his audition letter posing as his mom."

At this, Maggie does a genuine spit take, spraying wine all over herself. "You did not!" she gasps, doubling over with laughter.

"Oh I did," Jaime nods, looking mighty pleased with herself. "I went on and on about what an amazing catch her little Kyle was. How he was such a gentleman who still lived at home to spend time with his parents. Just really talked him up as the most eligible bachelor ever."

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