Page 35 of Awakened by Sin

“What?”

“Cherry for my new hair color!”

Blade scowled as several guards snickered.

“Seriously, though, red hair will be cute, right?” she yelled.

Blade walked into the house and slammed the door behind him. She laughed as she put the car in gear and stomped on the gas. The gates opened as she approached. Gavin’s fortress was far enough outside the city that she didn’t have to worry about the speed limit for a while, and she took full advantage of that. The car powered forward, winding smoothly on the long stretch of empty road. On days like this, she and Vinny would go on long drives, park in the middle of nowhere, and lay on the hood and talk for hours. God, she missed him. There would never be another Vincent Pyre.

Too soon, she reached civilization and slowed down … a little. Her city came into view. She loved this gaudy oasis in the middle of the desert. There was a manic vibe to the city that wasn’t for everyone, but she reveled in the dark beat of sexual energy, hunger, and ambition of the natives. She was one herself, after all. Las Vegas would always be her home.

She parked in the garage beside the Toyota she used to drive in high school. The door that led into the house opened before she could get out of the car. Her mother ran to her, arms open.

“Carmen Marie!” Mom leaned over the car door and hugged her tight. “I’ve been so worried!”

“Hi, Mom.”

Mom clasped her face and blinked. “You’re glowing.”

Carmen slid over the top of the door instead of opening it. She reached for her purse and overnight bag and put her arm around Mom’s waist.

“I know we need to catch up, but I need to talk to Vinny first.”

“Of course, honey.”

She gave her mother a kiss before she rushed upstairs. She walked into her modest bedroom, closed the door, and leaned back against it. A pewter urn perched on her dresser with VP engraved on the front. She dropped her bags and approached slowly.

“Hey, baby.”

She stopped in front of the urn and spread her hand over the curves she knew so well. How many days had she spent wrapped around this urn, willing Vinny to make an appearance? This was all she had left of him. It didn’t seem right that a man with such vitality could fit into a container. It had been almost three years, and she still couldn’t believe he was gone.

“It’s over. They caught him, Vin. It was Paul Vega’s son, Steven. He’s dead. Gavin made him suffer.”

She rested her forehead on the urn and hung on tight.

“I miss you,” she whispered against the cold metal. She tried to imagine it was Vinny’s warm flesh against hers. “Everyone says time heals all wounds, but that’s a fucking lie. Every day without you is worse than the one before.”

She bit her lip as her eyes flooded with tears. It had been years since he passed, but she’d never said goodbye. She refused. How could she with his killer on the loose? Now, the time had come to say goodbye to her best friend, lover, partner, husband, and soul mate.

She took a deep breath. “I told you I was staying with Lyla because she was on lockdown. The other night, shit went down. The fortress got attacked, and we had to go to a safe house. Lyla told me to take Nora and run while she stayed behind. I hid with Nora, and when I heard a soldier coming, I had to make a decision.”

Was it her imagination or did the air vibrate with tension?

“I decided to live.” Facing a future without Vinny wasn’t something she had ever contemplated. Even now, the realization that she was going forward alone was debilitating, but she breathed through the panic. She raised her head and saw her tear-streaked reflection in the urn. “I can’t grieve you anymore.”

Guilt engulfed her, but she gritted her teeth and continued, “I can’t take the pain. You’re not here, but I am. I need, Vinny.” Her words hung in the air, and she mentally braced before she confessed, “I slept with Marcus Fletcher.”

She closed her eyes and waited for a reaction. When none came, she lifted her chin.

“It was good.” Honesty forced her to add, “Better than good.” She waved her hand. “Fucking brilliant if you really want to know.” She pursed her lips and then added, “He did doggy style. You know I’ve always had a thing for rough and doggy.”

Her lips twitched, but she bit back the smile since it seemed inappropriate.

“When you died, I thought I did too. I’ve been living in this purgatory, but the other night, I decided to fight to live. When I pulled the trigger, I came back to life. I can see, feel, taste …” Her mouth watered at the memory of Marcus’s kiss. She swallowed. “I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love you, but I can find small pleasures in life. At least until we meet again.” She placed her hand on the urn. “I’ll always love you.” She tapped her chest where her heart was trapped in a never-ending cycle of restitching itself back together again. “The pain will always be there. I know that now. I just have to find some sense of satisfaction in the small things.” Lyla’s words tripped through her mind, and she shook her head. “I don’t think I can spread your ashes. I’m not ready for that yet. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, chin balanced on her hand as she regarded the urn.

“Till death do us part,” she whispered. “We put off that trip to Bora Bora, that couple’s painting class, and you learning the tango. We thought we had a lifetime.” She mustered up a smile. “You should see Nora. She’s gorgeous.”

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