Page 205 of Awakened by Sin

“I don’t know how I would have made it through the past couple of months without you. You were there when I needed you. I overstepped yesterday.” She clenched her hands into fists as she began to tremble. “Everything that happened after made me realize something.”

She opened her mouth to go on, but her voice dried up. Marcus stepped forward with his hand outstretched, but she stepped back and shook her head wildly.

“No, you can’t touch me. Let me … I need to say this. You need to understand,” she said raggedly.

The only sound in the room was her hitched breaths as she tried to control herself and get through this confrontation.

“I get too attached to people. I hold on too tight. I need too much. That’s why I never recovered from Vinny. I let myself go too deep and you …” She shook her head. “You woke me up, you brought me back to life, and …” Her last bit of self-control ebbed away, and a tear slid down her cheek. “I won’t survive you either.”

Nothing showed on his face, but she felt the atmosphere in the room shift.

“Vinny’s need to prove himself to Gavin killed him. You feel indebted to Gavin for giving you a chance. That’s why you work so hard, why you’ll do anything for him. You’re trying to prove that you deserve your position, but no one is questioning it but you.” She tried to breathe past the pain. “I’m going to keep my promise. We’re going to be friends. I just … I just need some time …”

Oh, God, the silence was awful.

“I already know how this goes. I can’t love another man who needs work or someone else’s approval more than he needs me. I wasn’t enough for him.” She spread her hand across her aching chest. “And it won’t be enough for you either. I don’t have much left so … I can’t do this.”

The dam holding her emotions in check fragmented. Emotional overload. Too much in too little time. One event chased by another more traumatizing than the last. Her illusions shattered, another home that was no longer a home, and another man who couldn’t give her what she needed. She dropped to her knees, hands over her face, and bowed her head as heart-wrenching sobs shook her.

Marcus wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t have the strength to push him away. She cried for everything she had lost, and everything that was still slipping through her fingers. Life put her through the wringer, and she was tapping out. All the fire and zeal she once felt had been beaten out of her. She had nothing left.

Marcus picked her up and placed her on the bed. She buried her face in the bedsheets and grabbed handfuls of it as she let go of her delusions and fantasies. His hand rested at the base of spine. When the tears ceased and she was empty, he lay beside her and tipped her against his chest.

“No! I don’t want—” she said hoarsely.

“Shh,” he murmured.

He pressed her face against his throat, and she was wreathed in classy sin. Even though she didn’t want to, her body responded to his familiar scent and she relaxed. The only sound in the room was the occasional hitch in her breath as she tried to get herself under control. She was grateful for the darkness that hid the tears that slid down her face and soaked his shirt. She was too tired to battle for space, for privacy. Instead, she lay tucked against him with his hand tunneling through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. Her face rode the steady rise and fall of his chest. She trembled with fatigue, pain, shock, and heartache. She willed herself to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t allow it. Time passed.

“My mother sold me to Lucifer’s father when I was five years old,” Marcus said quietly. “He used me.”

She stopped breathing.

“He forced Lucifer to watch. I wasn’t the only one. There were others.”

There was no inflection in his voice, but his body was tense against hers.

“One day, Lucifer let it slip to a visitor about us. He saved my life.” His fingers played with her hair as he spoke. “We were taken to a hospital. The man who saved us thought we were broken. He said if we survived, to look him up when we got older and he would help us.”

He stopped. Even in her exhausted state, she had to know the rest.

“Who …?” she croaked.

“Emmanuel Pyre.”

The final puzzle piece fell into place.

“He gave me my name. I went into the foster system and had years of therapy. Out of the group of kids saved that day, I’m the only one still alive.”

Her broken heart bled for him. She reached up and cupped his cheek. His hand covered hers, holding her palm against his jaw.

“That image of Emmanuel is embedded in my mind. He’s my hero. When I made it to college, I contacted him, and he told Gavin about me. He knew the challenges I faced and gave me a chance. I don’t want to let him down.”

It all made sense now. All his life, he strived to be a Pyre. He clung to the goal of success to get through the hard times. He was living his dream, a dream he fought for tooth and nail. He made it and didn’t want anyone getting in his way.

“My whole life I’ve been trying to reach this pinnacle. That’s what kept me going and now … I don’t know anything about relationships. I’ve never had one. I don’t know what’s beyond this, but I like what we have. I don’t want things to change. I don’t—”

She put her hand over his mouth and shook her head. She didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. He owed her no explanations, and he had actually come after her in Hell … She made him step into a place he hadn’t been to since he left. She closed her eyes against the burn of tears. Again, her fault. Now he owed Lucifer a favor because of her …

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